


K A L O P S I A

by LenaAkielosCheng



Series: The Vahlar series [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, And bisexual, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Violence, Cause I’m not a monster thx, Character Death, Clans, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Kinda sad to be honest, M/M, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Romance, There are no straight people in this story, There is fluff as well okay, Threats of Violence, Underage Drinking, War, its not called magic though, many funny cute moments, no beta we die like men, the comfort is rare though sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:42:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29321847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LenaAkielosCheng/pseuds/LenaAkielosCheng
Summary: Anwyn was twelve years old when the marriage between him and the future King of the Rhun Clan, Hagen Øystæinsson, was arranged, eight years and different homelands setting them apart. At thirteen, he was sent to the Rhun Clan to learn the ways of a King-Consort to the eventual marriage when he completes eighteen winters, at last meeting his soon to be husband, who was as kind and considerate he had hoped and dreamed him to be. A strong and good man, whom Anwyn found himself falling for all too easily.Five years later, Anwyn stared at his own reflection in the mirror with cold eyes, a blur of golden silk, one hour away from being forever bound to the man he feared the most in this world.
Relationships: Alva Thorormdottir/Fenrir Øystæinsson, Anwyn Myrkassin/Haakon Østergaard, Anwyn Myrkassin/Hagen Øystæinsson, Haakon Østergaard/Aster Øystæinsson, Hagen Øystæinsson/Alva Thorormdottir, Hagen Øystæinsson/Eos Arvina
Series: The Vahlar series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2153796
Kudos: 5





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I’m super excited for this story! I have most of it planned out already, so I’m sure I’m not gonna suddenly stop in the middle of it 😆  
> This is a character of another story I’m writing, but I decided to stop and write his backstory before continuing, mostly because i managed to imagine most of this already, and I’m having a difficult time with that other story 😓  
> Okay I’m gonna stop talking now. Enjoy! ❤️
> 
> Warnings at the end notes of every chapter!

_K a l o p s i a_

_(n.) the delusion of things being more beautiful than they really are_

If you can't wake up from a nightmare, perhaps you're not asleep.

I learned that a little too late.

It's still hard to differ what I see, whether they are memories of the past or dreams made by my own destructive mind. It is a chaotic place, clouded by a mist of uncertainty that kept me from remembering, making moments feel distant and dull, as if i had been watching all from afar and had not been in the event itself. Such feeling, i know, is a result of my own doing, my own way to hold onto my sanity before it completely escaped me.

I like to believe that i had not been in control. My destiny had not been in my hands, but in between the suffocating fingers of men more powerful than me.

What a foolish thing to believe. That Destiny can be in anyone's hands. As if it were not a living, breathing thing.

For a long time, it had all been fragmented

pieces. I was young and naive, i couldn't see what was happening until all the pieces came together in the end. Only then did i see, and understood.

I understood that nothing ever comes without a consequence, or a cost.

—————

I was was a very carefree child. A bit quiet, as i was a little too fond of spending exorbitant hours in the castle's library, but I like to believe I was pleasant and friendly enough. At twelve years old I was oftentimes alone. Not lonely, just alone, curiously wandering within halls and room and gardens, only to find myself, as I always did, reading a book under either a cool shade of a tree or hidden behind a tall shelf. I had always preferred to be on my own company and, luckily, there were no other children inside the court for me to be obligated to socialise with, so my personal guard, Arius, was my only constant presence. He was nice, though very silent, always walking five steps behind me like a shadow and always sabotaging my many attempts to escape the castle grounds.

I had never left the limits of the castle before, as i was the only child of the King of my nation, the Numenth Clan, or as some people called, the sea folk.

I hadn't quite understood that analogy at the time, as the Nelaarin did not reside in the sea and did not possess the ability to survive underwater, but my mother explained that it was because of our ancestors, who had been dwellers of the undersea nations long ago, when Numenth had not yet dried and was still filled with salt water.

Still, the blue colour of our skin was preserved, as well as our long ears and affinity to the water, and that earned us such a name from other folk.

It was my first experience in noticing how very different I was from the others, the white colour of my skin a blatant exclamation of how I didn't belong. With fair skin and brown eyes, only my white hair was alike some, though very few, of my Clan. But most of those were hybrids, and I was the direct scion of a royal bloodline.

My questioning began around the same time as my mother's illness. She was always smiling softly, answering some of my doubts patiently and ignoring some completely as well. She spent most of her days laying on her bed, her blue skin paling with time, her yellow eyes glassy and unmoving. I questioned her about it, but she never answered, only smiling tenderly.

I knew she had been trying to hide from me about her well-being, giving vague answers and directing our conversations away from her. But I could see her wasting away, gradually, her attention slipping more often, her appetite waning, the sound of her beautiful laugh becoming rare. She would wake up every day, but to me it seemed she was still asleep, staring at the ceiling for hours on end.

The maids and servants whispered of a curse, a deadly disease that killed from the inside out. On every corner of the castle, I heard them say my mother had the misfortune to be 'blessed' by the gods with a damaged child.

I could feel their stares like a burning brand on my skin. Arius would oftentimes scowl at them harshly, trying to impede their words from getting to me. But they still did, and I was afraid of what they meant, so i pretended I didn't listen and hid in the library, drowning myself in as many books as I could.

I suppose each of us has a way to handle our issues. Mine has always been to ignore them.

On one particularly cold night, i was sitting by my mother's bed enveloped in a soft blanket. I was drinking tea, telling her about what I've learned that day, as I did every night, when the Queen's royal healer suddenly entered the room. She greeted us kindly before coming to examine my mother with quick efficiency. I observed her attentively, worry gnarling at me at her somber expression. The examination barely took ten minutes before she summoned the King to the room. I tensed when the guards left to call him. I knew the King hated to see me there when he visited, but i didn't want to leave my mother alone.

I glanced at her. Her eyes were closed, though I could tell either she was asleep or simply resting. She was awake.

The King entered the room moments later, and the air seemed to immediately shift. The tension made me shiver slightly, but I tried my best to seem unbothered, holding my mother's cold hand on my own smaller one.

He ignored my presence entirely, not sending one glance our way. The healer talked to him in hushed tones, as if purposefully not wanting me to hear her words.

But I knew something was wrong. Very wrong.

The King had nodded slowly, his expression unchanging at whatever she had said. That didn't make me feel any better.

The King dismissed the healer with a fluid motion of his hand, until we were the only ones inside the room.

I didn't want to talk to him, and I knew he didn't want to talk to me either, but i had always been too curious for my own good. Any information about my mother's state was more appealing to me then my uneasiness against my father.

I cleaned my dry throat, licking my chapped lips, "Um, Your majesty...?" I asked hesitantly, looking at him. "May I...ask you a question?"

The King pointedly looked at his wife and didn't give any indication of having listened to what i said. I swallowed thickly, forcing the words out anyway, "Is my...is the Queen going to be alright?"

Silence.

I flinched when his gaze suddenly wavered to me, yellow eyes hard as he assessed me from head to toe, as if he had only just noticed I was there. He pursed his lips before looking back at my mother.

"...be ready for dinner in one hour. Do not be late." Was his only answer before turning and passing through the door, heavy steps echoing as he walked down the hallway, until only my mother's shallow breathing could be heard. I breathed in unsteadily, clenching my trembling hands into fists.

I had never quite understood my father's distaste for me, though after so many years, i had resigned myself to accept it as a normality. I could not remember a time where he had been fond and affectionate, and so i had never questioned his cold way of treatment until recent years. I had just completed nine winters and The king had once again missed my little birthday celebration. It was the first time that inquired my mother about it.

I remember clearly how energetic my mother had been years ago, before she was struck with the illness, her cheeks blue with health, yellow eyes bright and dark hair wavy and shiny. Even if had always looked...a bit sad at times.

But, even with that often sad glint in her eyes, she had been the most beautiful person in the world to me.

Her answer was that i was different from most, and that things that are different scared people. But that I should not worry, because there was nothing wrong with being different. It meant I was special.

But not everyone thought like my mother. I heard their fight that same night, the word deformity being hissed by my father oftentimes to direct me. I had never heard that word before, so I had promptly looked at the encyclopaedia the next day to see what it meant.

I had stared intently at myself in the silver mirror in my room after reading the meaning of the word. Even without fully comprehending it, i somewhat understood what the King meant.

I did not have a healthy, smooth blue skin, bright yellow eyes and shining dark hair. I was a white blur, pale skin mottled with darker dots across my face and collarbones, ivory hair and dark eyes. I was tinier then any child my age and held no muscle to my form, the sun hurt my skin and I preferred being indoors. I was a smaller and paler version of my kin. For someone of royal blood to appear as I did was shameful. I looked sick.

I looked nothing like Arius, who was a noble from a respected house of knights that had served royalty for centuries. He was tall, arms and shoulders bulging with muscle under his dark blue skin, black hair always plated in a long braid and yellow eyes piercing with attentiveness. He delivered an image of true nobility, with his handsome face and battle warranted skills. He should have been the one born as the Prince.

It hit me then how right the King was. How my mother was wrong. There was something wrong with me.

I never asked about the King's disinterest in me ever again.

I dressed meticulously for the dinner that night, deep anxiety eating at me throughout the whole ordeal. I had never dined with the King before. I had never formulated an actual conversation with him in the entirety of my twelve years.

A part of me, one that I refused to acknowledge, hoped for this dinner to be his way of showing acceptance. It must mean something, for him to summon me to dine with him, just the two of us, and after so many winters regarding me with indifference. Obviously it meant something.

And...and if what they said about my mother was true, then...then perhaps soon it would be only the two of us left.

Arius squeezed my shoulder when we reached the dining hall, giving me one sharp nod with a determined expression. It almost made me smile.

The guards opened the large doors to the royal dining hall and i walked careful steps in. I had been here a couple of times before, in business between other families and my father, and since a royal dinner called for the entire royal family, I was expected to go. But after the fourth time being ogled like an exotic animal by everyone on the table, i stopped attending them all together, and the King didn't show any displeasure by my choice.

The doors closed behind me with a blaring sound, contrasting against the silence of the room. The King sat austere on his chair, bigger then the others, a silver plate in front of him. There was another one by his left side, too.

As always, the King gave no sign to acknowledge my presence, intently staring at his own crossed hands. I stood there for a second, almost fidgeting until I remembered how much he hated that. My legs felt strangely numb, and for a second i thought about turning around and fleeing from the hall back to my mother and Arius' reassuring presence. But fear made me go in unsteady feet quietly.

I chanced a glance and found that he still was not looking. Breathing in, I was about to sit when the blaring sound of a fist smashing against wood resounded sharply. I winced and gave a step back, eyes wide as The King fixed me with grim eyes, the wooden table under his fist splintered and fractured.

He didn't move and neither did I for one tense moment, until the King slowly straightened, not taking his gaze from me. He calmly took the cloth folded by his plate and arranged it on his lap, as if he hadn't cracked solid wood a second ago.

"First," His deep voiced echoed, "Bow."

My head was a turmoil of thousands of thoughts at that moment, eyes glued to the ground and sweat sliding down my back, I said nothing as i gave a stifled bow, making sure to remember my classes on correct decorum.

He narrowed his eyes, "Ask permission to sit."

I gulped, my mouth horribly dry, "M-may i-"

"Do not." The King interrupted dryly, "Stutter."

My heart was beating so very loud I was sure he could hear it, blood rushing through my ears and making my head dizzy and nauseous. My eyes wavered undesirably to the splinted wood, drawn on the surface with cobwebbed patterns, inches away from where i stood.

"...Your majesty, may I sit?" I requested steadily.

His gaze burned the side of my face, but I kept mine on his hands. I forced myself not to react when he raised his hand and gestured to the empty chair.

I sat, wordlessly. My feet dangled in the air, the chair too high for me to reach the ground. I felt extremely childish at that moment, forgetting to greet the king properly and feeling my stomach swirl with anxiety, I was acting like a common child, and not a prince of a clan. I couldn't disappoint my mother like this.

Servants came and served us the first course, but I barely paid attention to what it was, sitting rigid on the chair, I ate mechanically, gripping the fork tightly. Though i had distantly realised that the food tasted different then usual.

"Hvernis er pinn Eksatir?" The King said suddenly.

My thoughts halted and I almost dropped the fork, my mind blanking for a second before scrambling for my latest classes on Clan language after realising his words were not in aeznesh.

He spoke...eksatir. The language of the Rhun Clan.

"Pat stil purfur inprovnat, Pinn maksty." I answered cautiously, my accent thick, very different from the King's smooth fluency.

Eksatir was not one of the main languages I had been learning, as I was more intent in learning the most spoken and diplomatically useful ones, like the doragon from the Kaelamor Clan and the shaddian from the Haar Clan. As a clan with more scholar intentions, Numenth rarely had affairs with a military Clan such as Rhun.

"Make eksatir your priority." He said in our language and signaling for a servant to pour the wine in his chalice, "You have four months to master the advanced basics and perfect your accent."

I frowned, confused.

I opened my mouth to inquire about the time when a servant began to pour the wine in my chalice as well. I crinkled my nose at the harsh scent of alcohol, "Excuse me, but I'm-"

"Drink it."

I turned to the King, blinking.

Had...had he forgotten my age? Mother said that only adults drank things with alcohol.

"Um...Pardon me, your majesty, but i am still-"

"It is time for you to get used to such things." The King said, "You are no longer an infant. Stop acting like one."

My face flushed with embarrassment at his words. I had never felt like such a foolish child as i did in the past half an hour.

"...I see." Was my only answer as i eyed the red liquid. I took the chalice, swirling around like i saw people do before bringing it to my lips warily, taking a sip.

I almost spat it right back, the taste bitter and strong, but I forced the drink down, suppressing a grimace, nausea stirring in the pit of my stomach. Why did people drink this?

Some of my distaste must have showed on my face, because the King sighed deeply, "We will built your tolerance and taste with sweeter drinks, then move to stronger ones with time."

I nodded obediently, even if nothing that had been said until now had made much sense to me at all. I needed to learn eksatir in one month? And how to drink? What for?

But that seemed to be all i needed to know, as he returned to eat and said nothing else. The second course came and went, until dessert, my favourite dish, finally arrived. I smiled at the sight of the white covering of mooncakes.

I gave several furtive glances towards the King during the rest of the dinner, the question that I had been meaning to ask always on the tip of my tongue, but by eyes kept creeping back to the cracked markings on the table, making my momentary braveness dissipate completely. Yet, as I pushed myself to drink the rest of the remaining wine, i felt my coiled muscles relax pleasantly and my face flush with warmth, my belly full of sweet mooncakes that took away the sour taste of the drink, a haze of sleep starting to cloud my mind at the late hour. The words came before I could think to stop them.

"Is mother alright?" I whispered.

The King turned his amber eyes to me. The blaze of the fireplace behind me cracked, a swirl of red, yellow and orange dancing in his eyes lazily. It occurred to me I had never seen my father so informally, drinking wine languidly, rested and warm after a well eaten dinner. It felt...ordinary. Something that would have been natural in different circumstances.

And though it might had been just my imagination and dreamy state of mind, I think I saw something crack in his expression, quick and unexpected, something that seemed awfully like sadness, heavy and dark. But it disappeared in less then a second, returning to its usual closed and aloof visage.

"Eira will be gone soon." The King had muttered in answer, his cold gaze boring into me like a knife, "And soon...so will you."

I froze. The momentary calmness vanishing from my body in a blink. It all came back to me like a slap to my face, of just who sat in front me, that we weren't just father and son having a friendly dinner together, we wouldn't coup with the loss of my mother together like I've seen people do when a loved one passed away. No. No, he was the King of a Grand clan and I was just the aberration who he had the misfortune to have as a son. We weren't the same.

I was silent. Not waiting for a reply, the King stood, and without a word, left.

I sat on the chair for what felt like hours, my muscles so tense they were sore. The dark room was eerily quiet. And even though i preferred to be on my own, at that moment I felt throughoutly lonely.

The sudden wetness on my cheeks startled me out of my stupor. I touched my face, and sure enough, my fingertips were stained with tears, running down my face uncontrollably, my lungs refusing to take in air.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the tears back with everything I had. It left me breathless and mortified. I wasn't a child anymore. The King had said so. I had just turned twelve and had already drank wine. I wasn't a child.

I wasn't a child. I wasn't.

'Then what are you?' A voice taunted in the back of my mind.

By the time Arius came to colect me, my cheeks were dry.

—————————

She would last until early winter.

I had stared at my mother as they said it. Her body was too weak and the winter would further worsen her health. The winters in Numenth were one of the toughest of all HighLand, specially due our closeness to the White Mountains of the Annthemar Clan. Except for them, we were further north then any other city in the Land. She would be dead before snow could completely coat the earth.

I took her bony fingers into mine, almost as pale as my own. She had slept the night before and hadn't woken since then. The healers said they didn't know if she would at all.

I read in books that our clan was the most advanced regarding health and wellness, but everything seemed to be completely useless now that it was truly needed. How couldn't they cure her? Were they really trying?

Does father even want her to be cured?

The colour drained from my face at the thought. No, father wouldn't do that. I believed he loved my mother, deeply so. Why else would they marry for? I had read before in books that marriage was an act of true and eternal love.

Yes. Yes, there was no way this was purposeful. They loved each other.

I launched myself into the library after that, desperate to find something that could be of use into helping my mother's health. There must be something in between so many books that provided clarity regarding her state.

Later that day, I rushed through the corridors with the greatest speed my legs would allow me towards the Healer's ward, a heavy book clutched to my chest firmly and Duibhían's own fast steps as always echoing behind me.

I knocked on the door quickly, trying to catch my breath as the Royal healer opened the door. Nüma was a really kind person, and I've always liked her for the way she treated me regardless of my appearance. She smiled when she saw me and I was quick to greet her.

"Good evening, Healer Nüma!" I wheezed, "I...I wanted to speak with you...if you have...the time."

She gave me a small bow, "Hello, your highness." She greeted back, "I am free right now. How are you this evening?"

I nodded frenetically, still short on breath, "I'm fine. I have something I need to...to tell you."

She gestured to the padded chair by the window, "Please sit. Would you like something to drink?"

I shook my head, "No, thank you. I just wanted to let you know I've found something to help my mother."

Her expression softened, but she didn't refuse me, "Well then, let us hear it."

I opened the book I gave it to her, "I was searching through the library for something that could be of use and found about these healing centers in the Green cliffs of the Avariel folk, it says that they can heal injuries of the body and the mind with sorcery alone!"

"Yes, that is right." Nüma agreed, "They have unique gifts for tending to such things. Legends says that Inanna, the goddess of healers and wellness, blessed them herself upon their origin."

I beamed, hopeful, "Then they could save my mother!"

Nüma opened her mouth, then closed it again.

She gave me a small smile, "I...I am afraid it's a bit more complicated then that, Your highness."

My smile strained, and I furrowed my eyebrows, confused, "What...what do you mean?"

She walked a little further into the room, placing a pot of water over the fire, "Well...have you heard stories about soulbonds before, Your highness?" She inquired.

I nodded, slowly. How does this have anything to do with my mother?

"Do you know the process?" She asked.

"Um...If it is a natural bond, a superficial paring is instinctively made." I replied, reminding myself on the Book of Soulbonds I've read dozens of times before, "A mind bond, for about nine to twelve months usually, and then escalating to a complete bound when time passes and they become more compatible."

The corner of her yellow eyes crinkled, "That's correct." She said, "and, do you know what happens when such profound bonding happens, but it is suddenly interrupted?"

"A...a mind fragmentation." I answered, eyeing her suspiciously, "Normally because one party passed, harming the mind and the body of the remaining party. But it can be overcomed, and most do."

"I see you've done your research." She said amused.

"What does any of that have to do with my mother? Father is alive, she wouldn't have that sort of trouble if that were the case." I asked, a bad feeling crawling up my spine.

She gave me a tight-lipped smile, lowering her voice, "I'm sorry, my boy, but...the Queen and King are not bonded."

I stared at her, "What...what do you mean? They-they're married, every married couple bonds at some point. Of course they're bonded, they have to."

"They have not." Nüma said.

"They do!" I insisted.

"They don't." She said softly, "Not if one of them was already bonded before."

My mouth snapped shut.

Already...bonded? Before the marriage?

"Theirs was a marriage of politics." The healer told me slowly, "Not one of the heart. Your mother found her soulbond very young, but the boy was a lowborn, a soldier of her personal guard. Years after they've been together in secret, Queen Eira married your father."

I shook my head, none of this made sense.

"Why...why would she do that." I asked tightly, "If she loved the boy, why would she marry my father."

"Because it was her duty." Nüma answered gently, "Her duty as a daughter of her Clan to think of her people before herself."

"But..." I began, but I didn't find any words.

I gulped, my throat tight, forcing the words out, "So...so my mother...she is like this because..."

"..Two years ago, the boy died." Nüma finished.

I pressed my lips together. Mother loved another man? She loved a man before father and...

Fear crossed my face as a thought came to mind, uninvited and scary, yet also one that made so much sense. It couldn't be true, surely it couldn't, but...but what if it was? It would explain so many things, things that i decided to ignore for fear of the answer.

I remembered when mother would tell me about her homeland, a small but strong clan on the other side of HighLand, closer to MiddleLand than Numenth. How, because of the closeness, there were so many humans there, humans who had skin tones from dark to pale, instead of blue. Some were even her guards, despite them being much more delicate then us.

I didn't want to ask. I didn't want the answer. My hands twitched, my body feeling awfully cold as I opened and closed my mouth but no words left it.

"What is it?" The healer inquired, seeing my struggle.

I grit my teeth and took a deep breath, "When...when did she..." I squeezed my eyes shut, my father's words echoing in my head: 'Do not stutter.' "When did she and the boy last encountered?"

Nüma frowned, at first not understanding the meaning of the question, "Probably when she left her home, twelve years ago." She said.

The colour drained from my face.

She looked at me.

Realisation dawned on her face and her eyes widened, almost dropping the pot of hot water in her hand. She looked horrified, one hand covering her mouth.

"Your majesty...i..."

"...When did she get...pregnant with me?" I whispered.

"...very shortly after the marriage." Nüma answered, recognition clouding her features, "...Too shortly."

I looked at Nüma, at her navy skin, and then at my own hands, startling white.

"...they were already betrothed." I stated blankly, "My mother and...the King."

"...yes. They're betrothal lasted two years."

I shook my head, a tiny laugh leaving my lips. My eyes stung, but I refused to cry, because I was no longer a child.

It all made so much sense. Of course he hated me. I was just a reminder that my mother chose someone else.

"They're right..." i breathed, "He's right, I...I'm a mistake."

I was standing before Nüma could say anything. I burst through the door and ran down the hallway, ignoring Arius' call behind me.

I ran as fast as I could, ignoring the burn in my lungs and the stares of other people. Did they all know? Did everyone know I wasn't really the King's son?

I stopped in front of my mother's room, clenching the helms of my clothes and breathing in short intakes, my mind in a confused haze.

I opened the door.

The Queen was as she had always been for the last two years; unmoving and unresponsive. I looked at her, laying motionless on the large, white bed. Dying. She was dying.

She was dying because her soulbond died.

This was unfair. This was so unfair.

"Mother..." I murmured, "mother, you can't do this."

No answer.

I clenched my fists, biting my lip to fight the tears, "You can't do this, Mom! You can't do this! I know now- I know that you lied to me!" I yelled, my vision blurring, "You can't just leave! What- what about us being together, just the two of us? What about..."

I remembered clearly. For a broken bond to become a fatal disease, it depended wholly on the remaining person's willingness to live. If they wanted to move on they could. It could be overcomed if she wanted to stay.

If...if she wanted to stay with...

"...what about me?" I asked quietly after a while.

I watched her pale, unchanging face. Did I matter so little to her?

"Don't...don't you love me, too?" I murmured, my voice cracking, "After everything...everything you told me, you're leaving me, too?"

I don't want to be alone. Don't leave me alone.

"...mom?" I whispered.

She did not respond.

————————

Nüma was wrong. Mother did last the winter.

When the first flowers of spring began to bloom and the air became sweet, the sky blue and the breeze warm, the Queen breathed in, and never breathed out again.


	2. dolent

_dolent_

  
_(Adj.) full of sorrow_

The months passed in a blink of an eye.

My mother was buried with a small ceremony in the family mausoleum, located in a cliff by the Yanorian sea. The white marble of her sepulchre contrasted deeply with the dark green of the grass, soft under my bare feet. It was completely surrounded by asters, begonias and dahlias, her favourite flowers, the thin petals covering the ivory grave as each hour passed, as if slowly withering along with her.

Father...The King had chosen not to do a public burial, but the people still mourned the loss of their Queen, remembered for her cleverness and beauty. The White city of Amaranth was covered in black silk for twelve dark days that seemed to last forever.

I visited her every day. The King was displeased, but I went nonetheless, with heavy steps, as the sunset sky painted her tomb in red, orange and violet. It didn't make sense to me. That she was seven feet under the earth for loving someone too much. I thought love was something warmer. Something good. But it killed her.

'She let it kill her.'

"...Mom..." I whispered to her, my eyes red and swollen, "I'm sorry, but...I-I'm not sure...I'm not sure if I can forgive you."

The hauler of the wind was my only answer. The air smelled of salt and flowers.

I suddenly recalled of the lullaby she would sing for me to sleep before she became ill. Her deep and lilting voice soft under the cover of the night.

It was a song from her hometown. She said her father would sing it to her when she was afraid, and that all the bad feelings would go away swiftly. I closed my eyes, trying to remember the lyrics of the song.

I hummed it under my breath, tears burning my already bruised eyes, my voice weak against the violent air.

"here...it's safe, here it's warm...here the daisies guard...you from...every harm. Here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true...here is the place where..."

I opened my eyes and looked at her grave.

"...where...I love you."

I could vividly remember her earnest eyes as she said that. And i had believed her. I believed her because there was nothing else. There was no one else. If she didn't love me, who else would?

Liar.

I turned, walking back to the castle slowly as the sky washed in deep blue and silver stars, Arius' reassuring silence a few meters away my only company.

I wasn't enough for her. I wasn't enough for anyone.

'But I wanted to. So, so very much'

________________________

My muscles were constantly coiled in tenseness after everything. I avoided leaving my chambers, if not for the cemetery and occasionally the library, taking my meals and my tutorings there as well, hoping that if the King didn't catch sight of me perhaps he would forget me all over again.

After all, there was no reason for me to be there. Apparently, I was the child of my mother with another man, and my mother just died. I was nothing to him.

Though, my effort was not necessary, as the King was suddenly throughoutly engaged in meetings and the like since mother's funeral and barely left the north wing of the palace.

I still followed the King's words weeks ago of studying eksatir, and I did it vehemently. I spent hours on calligraphy and pronunciation of the language along with history and geography of Rhun, whatever I could find on the clan was how I spent my days and nights, tiring myself to the bone to take me away from that dark corner of my mind, the one that knew that I wasn't safe there anymore, that the palace I grew in could possibly not be my home any longer.

Even so, I wonder if it ever was.

I looked up from the book on my lap to Arius, who was, as always, standing with his back straight and eyes alert, arms crossed over his broad chest.

I could feel sleep trying to overcome, and I would be very tempted to let it if not for the constant nightmares I had been having, making me dread the few hours of sleep I had to get.

"Hey. Ari." I called him, resting my heavy head on my fist. The moons shone high and bright outside, hinting on how late into the night it was already.

He quickly turned and bowed, "Yes, your majesty?" He asked, voice husky.

I grimaced at the name, "There is no need to call me that. You know I don't like it."

He gave me a small smile, flashing a sharp canine, "Forgive me, but the last time I was caught calling you by your given name it earned me a severe scolding from my superiors. I would very much like for that not to repeat itself."

I huffed, "But we are the only ones here, it's the middle of the night and nobody comes close to the library anyway."

Arius squinted his eyes, eyeing me suspiciously, "Are you trying to get rid of me, highness?"

I rolled my eyes at his suggestion, "Why would I do that? You'd probably be replaced by someone even more annoying. Besides..." I looked at my book, feeling my face flush blue with embarrassment, "I suppose...you are my only friend, now."

I wasn't looking, but I knew he had a triumphant and proud smile on his face. Arius was simple like that, so different from the others from The King's court. That was one of the reasons i trusted him so much.

"Sit down before i change my mind." I threatened, pinning him with a glare.

He had, as I predicted, a smirk on his face as he sat by my side, stretching his long limbs with a loud pop before relaxing on the chair, his long braid almost touching the ground.

We sat in a comfortable silence for some time, neither wanting to break the quietness.

"Tell me about your home." I asked eventually before I stopped myself.

Arius' eyebrows shot up, surprised by my abrupt request, but he didn't question it, his eyes softening as he spoke, "Well. It is...very beautiful. Since it's further south, it's considerably warmer, too. Here in the capital it feels like it's an eternal winter." He chuckled.

"The summers are warmer." He continued, smiling softly, "the breeze is cool and there's a lot of clear lakes to bath in. The towns aren't mostly white either, we have a lot of gold, red and yellow, and there's also these incredibly tall trees that seem like they reach the sky and green mountains wide enough to cover the sun."

I smiled, too, as he described his hometown so lovingly. Though nice and friendly, Arius was very reserved and silent most of the time, which according to him was because he took his duty very seriously and couldn't afford distractions. But, annoyingly, talking to him had always been a highlight in my day, along with visiting my mother, so I constantly tried to make him speak to me.

Though, sometimes, I did feel like he was only indulging me because i was a friendless Prince, who oftentimes spent days without anyone to talk to since the Queen became sick. It made sense, but I still preferred to believe he enjoyed our conversations.

"It seems beautiful." I whispered, not wanting to ruin the quiet moment.

"It is" he answered, the corner of his yellow eyes crinkling.

"...do you miss it a lot?" I asked after a second.

He opened his mouth, then closed it. He considered for a moment before saying, "I do. But I know my obligations. As does my family." He spoke, as if he had read my mind.

I blinked.

"But...But if you could chose." I insisted, "between your family and your duty, what would you do?"

His brows drew together, thoughtful, "Is there a reason for your question, highness?"

"...no, i...was just curious on your answer." I said, gripping my book.

If Arius saw through my lie, he didn't show. He nodded slowly, "It's...not easy, and there can be many different situations for that choice to entail, but...my family is a small part of a much bigger nation. My responsibility to my clan must come before my personal feelings." His eyes locked on mine, gaze determined, "I serve you, before I serve my family."

My throat tightened and my eyes dropped to the ground. I shook my head. I was the one who asked, but his answer still left me bitter.

"...Maybe you'll go back home sooner then you thought."

"...What are you talking about?" Arius asked, sounding confused.

"It's obvious, isn't it?" I murmured, avoiding his eyes, "The King is going to rid of me."

"What? Anwyn what do you mean?"

"My...my mother is gone." I stammered out, "She's gone and now...now there is no reason for me to stay."

Arius collapsed back on the chair, his nervous posture immediately deflating in relief, "Don't say that, Anwyn. I understand that you both are not in your best terms, but he's still your father, and-"

I shot my head upwards at the word.

"Don't." I hissed under my breath.

Arius blinked, stunned by my reaction, "Alright, um. I'm sorry. I won't say anything anymore."

I pressed my lips together, wanting to say something, but I only drooped my head over my crossed arms on the table, tiredness clinging to me like a second skin.

I could feel Arius' stare on me, but I ignored him.

I flinched when I felt a large hand settle over my head, awkwardly yet carefully petting my hair, clearly making an effort not to do so roughly.

"I'm really sorry, Wyn." Arius mumbled sympathetic.

His words made me freeze. Deep down I knew he was just trying to be kind and considerate, but resentment suddenly boiled in my chest as I remembered all the sympathetic people that had approached after my mother funeral, saying honeyed words with saccharine smiles, pity in their eyes as they looked at me. But then they would turn and whisper between themselves that i was the reason such a young, healthy woman had lost her life.

'The boy is a curse.'

I remembered The King's eyes when her burial ended. An ember gaze full of loathing that haunted my dreams every night.

'Eira will be gone soon' he said to me that day, 'and soon so will you'

I wrenched my head back, away from the hand, standing quickly enough for the chair to fall behind me.

"Stop it!" I shouted, eyes blazing, "I don't need your false pity! Stop treating me like a child!"

Arius stared at me, alarmed and clearly caught of guard, eyes wide. I had never yelled before.

But he didn't seem angry at my outburst. For the contrary, his expression was once again soft, and so sad that it made me ill.

"Anwyn...you are a child." Arius said.

I wanted to scream at him again.

But I was too tired of being angry. Too tired of being angry at my mother for leaving me, at the king for hating me for being born, at everyone else for pretending they cared about me, at myself for being so helpless and pathetic.

"Leave me alone." I whispered, tears swirling in my eyes, before I turned and ran to my room.

I didn't look back to see if he was following me, intuitively returning to my chambers silently. My feet barely made a sound. This whole place was so silent.

As the guards opened the doors, I turned to the one on the right, who I knew was nicer, and said, "Please, don't let anyone enter."

He nodded, "Of course, your highness."

I went in, the thick doors closing behind me. I didn't change into my nightshirt before falling over my bed heavily, staring at the two moons outside until sleep inevitably brought me to unconsciousness.

I dreamed of my father burying me alive in the ground outside of the family mausoleum, as my mother watched, and did nothing.

______________________

I didn't leave my room anymore.

In fact, I didn't leave my bed, for at least another week. Waking up was already an arduous task, actually standing and doing something useful was too much strain for my body.

The manservant who dressed me, a man called Málako who had at least two centuries, would say that I was too young to be this listless, but he still dressed me in lighter clothes and made sure to tell the servants to bring the meals to my rooms.

I barely touched it. I had expelled all my dinner the last time I truly ate.

Arius didn't visit. Though that didn't surprise me.

Time passed in a blur, sometimes a day seemed to last eternity, sometimes it seemed to last only seconds. I would blink, and the white walls would have splashes of colour of the sunset sky, even though I was sure it had been mid-morning only a few minutes ago.

Was this what mother felt when she had been sick? She would stare at the walls for hours too. Though I had no reason to be this way.

' _You're weak'_ a voice said at the back of my mind, ' _children are the ones who can't take care of themselves. And you seem just like one'_

I closed my eyes, "Shut up." I whispered, "Just, please, shut up."

_'Is it so hard to hear the truth?_ ' It said, ' _Maybe that's why your mother preferred dying. That's why your father hates you, that's why Arius has left you. You keep blaming everyone else when the issue is you.'_

"Shut up!" I screamed, clutching my ears.

I whirled around when a knock sounded at the door, bringing me out of my stupor. I blinked, confused, a sharp ache at the back of my head.

"Highness?" A voice asked carefully.

My eyes widened when I recognised the voice. I ran and wretched the door open, not caring for my uncombed hair and my lack of real clothes.

Arius was standing on the other side, looking a bit sheepish but determined.

"Good evening, highness." He said warmly, "May I come in?"

I looked at him with wide eyes, relief welling in my chest, "You...didn't leave?" I inquired in a small voice.

He smiled, big and unguarded, then bowed, "It's gonna take more than that to get rid of me, highness." He remarked, puffing his chest proudly.

I couldn't help but laugh, rolling my eyes before turning and leaving with the door open, a clear invitation to enter.

I sat on my bed, the door clicking shut softly behind me.

"Are you alright?" I heard him inquire tentatively.

I gulped. He had probably heard me.

"yes. I'm fine." I replied, avoiding his eyes.

He eyed me skeptically, but continued nonetheless, though his keen eyes stayed on my face, ever observant, "Well, though I wished we could converse more, you're highness, i am actually on duty and here to pass on a message."

I frowned, "A message? From who?"

Arius' pressed his lips together, "...The King."

I paled, my whole body tensing, recoiling as if I'd been slapped.

"It's a dinner." Arius added quickly, reaching towards me before rethinking and stepping back, "He summoned your presence for a dinner. The King of Rhun Clan, Hrók Øystæinsson, is here and wishes to meet you. That is all."

The Rhun Clan? Here? How come i hadn't heard of this?

I was immediately embarrassed, recalling how I refused to leave my room through the past few days.

Was because of this that the King had ordered me to learn eksatir? For the visiting King?

"It was said to the visitors you were feeling ill." Arius said, "That is why you did not greet them when they arrived."

"I...I see." I mumbled, thoughtful.

"Then, I will send the servants in to prepare you properly." Arius stated, still watching me in scrutiny as he bowed and, with one last glance, left the room.

I was quiet throughout the whole preparation. The servants bathed me throughly, brushing my hair and scrubbing my skin until it was bright blue, smearing soothing lavender oil afterwards. They dressed me in my finest satin clothes in tones of pale blues and greens, with sheer long sleeves detailed with dusty gold and a thin ribbon around my waist. I felt a bit like a faerie using these, but it had been a gift from my mother, so I made sure to wear it in special occasions.

I raised my eyebrows when they started to adorn my long ears with a variety of golden earrings, both long and small, and, at last, a thin circlet.

Though the use of many ornaments were the norm regarding the proper way of dressing in the court, I rarely put on so much jewellery, even to royal dinners and celebrations, an earring and my circlet had been enough. The fact the servants had been clearly ordered to do all that was strange. The fact that the foreign King had asked for me was very strange in itself already, given how the King preferred to conceal my existence altogether.

The layers of cloth were heavy as I walked to the diner hall, my trinkets resonating a soft sound with every step. Arius had also been surprised at my outfit, lifting a questioning brow, which I answered with a small shrug.

I paused ahead of the door, bringing all my studies on Rhun Clan to my mind as my name was announced, and the doors opened.

The first thing i noticed was the man sitting by The King. It would be impossible to miss him.

He was the biggest and broadest man i had ever seen in my life. Nelaarin were known for their tall and lithely muscled bodies, and though they were some broader exceptions like Arius, it wasn't even close to this.

He had a thick blond beard and a completely shaved head, which had several ink markings engraved on. The ink also went down his neck and one of his arms. His thick torso was uncovered, only his legs wore leather gear and fur, his brown arms crossed and bulging with muscle. He was, in fact, bursting with muscles everywhere, it was impressing the gear hadn't torn.

I had read before that the Valkan were the most physically superior species of all regarding strength and size, but to actually look at one was definitely different to one of my books.

I first forced myself not to stare, then forced myself not to fidget when both the King's gaze wavered to me, the Rhun King's eyes an intense black colour.

I cleaned my throat and bowed lowly, "This one greets our esteemed visitor, King Hrók of Rhun Clan."

A deep silence engulfed the air.

A sharp laugh made me flinch. My head flew upwards and I watched with round eyes as the the Rhun King laughed passionately, the rich sound from deep in his chest, before speaking with a wide smile, "There's no need for such formalities, little one." He said, accent heavy and gruff on his voice, but he still talked with clear fluency, "I see you know me." He continued, leaning over and supporting his elbows on his knees, fixing me with a deep stare, "But, who are you?" He inquired, even though my name had already been announced.

I read once about things that Valkan culturally liked and appreciated that other people said and acted. They valued honour and worthiness, for people to show the traits that made them unique and prove themselves. Funnily, they also enjoyed surprises and compliments on their physical trates.

I breathed in.

" _Ek em köllumk Anwyn, Konungr._ " I answered, my accent now developed into a smooth lilting sound, " _Ek reað um þú, en þú gerði eigi seem quite svá stórr inn booksrinn_." (I am called Anwyn, Exalted. I read about you, but you did not seem quite so big in my books.)

"Ha!" Hrók barked a startled laugh, "The boy knows Eksatir?" He looked at The King with a surprised smile before looking back at me, " _Tan kþú mjök mjök smár einn! Eisi mans outsiders mesmasterr okkarr tunsa, smár einn, specialy einn svá unsr!_ " (Thank you very much, little one! I have met many outlanders before, but very few managed to grasp the accent so efficiently!")

I smiled, a blue tint colouring my cheeks at the praise he gave me, " _tan kpú, Konungr."_ (Thank you, Exalted.)

The Rhun King smiled, relaxing, and then gestured to his side, where, somehow, I had not noticed other two people sat. My faced warmed with embarrassment.

"This is Lady Åse." Hrók said, gesturing to the woman, "My second child and Captain of the Royal guard. My heir was unable to attend due to his duties, and so she came in his stead."

Åse hit her chest strongly with a fist and inclined her head, Rhun's way of greeting, "Prince Anwyn of Numenth." She said, her voice deep and accent light, expression serious.

I bowed, "Lady Åse of Rhun." I replied, looking at her with something akin to awe. My books have proved to be accurate once again, because she was certainly the biggest woman I had ever laid my eyes on, too, covered in taut muscles and almost as tall as her father. Her skin was a fair brown like his, her hair a light orange colour, shaved on the sides of her head and tied into a tight ponytail. The left side of her neck also had ink, trailing down one arm.

It was also the most skin I had seen in a female, her taut abdomen and strong thighs unclothed. Much like the King, her thick clothes were winter fighting gear.

"And that one," Hrók signaled to the man by Revna's side, "is General Haakon Østergaard. My right-hand's son and my heir's sworn brother."

I looked at him, and immediately felt my face warm with an intense flush.

He was probably the most handsome men I've ever seen.

Where the other two had olive brown skin, his was a darker, richer brown, muscled everywhere much like the King. He had sharp cheekbones, full lips and thick lashes framing ice blue eyes, his hair a shade slightly lighter then his skin, also tied in a ponytail, though instead of the shaved sides, his had thick braids that turned into one down his back.

The man called Haakon smiled at me. I blushed more.

"Prince Anwyn of Numenth." He greeted, hitting his chest and bowing, his grave voice devoid of any accent.

"G-general Haakon." I stammered and was immediately mortified.

Though I've known to acknowledge when someone was above an average beauty, I had never had this kind of...reaction before. It was unsettling and very unwanted. Arius was a very handsome man, but this had never happened with him.

General Haakon only smiled more to my clear embarrassment. I wanted the ground to swallow me.

"Now that the Prince is here, we can begin the feast." The King stated, nodding to the servants, and I thanked him silently for the distraction.

I sat in front of Åse gingerly, keeping my eyes to the plate as the meal was served. My stomach grumbled angrily at the warm smell of food.

The King's were discussing heatedly of something, but my attention was completely caught by the food once I took a look at what it was. Our foods, though tasty, consisted mostly of greenery, we did not have any meat because animals used to be rare here up north, and so our ancestors, not wanting to disturb nature's life cycle by shortening they're quantity even more, chose to strict the Neelarin's diet to things originated from the earth. We still follow that tradition to this day.

I eyed the meat with big eyes, poking it with a fork. Stealing a glance at The King, I saw he was eating it normally. The Valkan delegation had probably brought it, then, it would be rude to deny offered food in Rhun costumes.

But my gut churned at the thought of eating the flesh of a dead creature, and so i nibbled on the crispy potatoes and vegetables around it, hoping no one would notice it.

But I was never known for being bestowed by Luck.

"Is the food not to your liking, Your highness?" A deep voice asked.

I choked, glancing up and finding the General's attentive eyes on my plate, still full of the meat. I quickly took a sip of water to wash down the stuck greens and answer, "No, no at all, everything is perfect." I replied, smiling a bit.

Haakon chuckled, and I distractingly noticed he had dimples, "Do not be afraid to say if you do not like it, we tend to spice our meat way too much." He remarked, glancing pointedly at Åse, who ignore him.

I shook my head, "It is...not that...it's just..." I bit my lip, afraid of saying something wrong. But seeing Hakon's genuine curiosity, I chose to be sincere, "It's because, in our culture, we do not eat meat. It is an ancient taboo."

Haakon's thick eyebrows rose, mouth slightly agape, "Oh!I...I truly had no idea. My sincerest apologies, Your highness, truly this...." he frowned, nodding, "This was very disrespectful of us. I will make sure to pass the information to the King."

I opened my mouth to answer when Åse, for the first time, spoke.

"Then this is why you are all so skinny." She stated seriously.

I stared at her, gaping.

Haakon looked at her with round eyes, a horrified expression on his face.

A startled laugh escaped my lips. I quickly smothered it with a hand, glancing at the King, shaking

Haakon sighed, shooting Åse another look of exasperation before whispering under his breath, " _Vér seriost þorfutilr vinnár þinn alsoci skila_ " (You seriously need to work on your social skills)

I laughed more at his words. He smiled.

We returned to eat after that, and i anxiously awaited, as always, for the dessert course, perking up when the last of dinner was taken away and gave path to the sweets.

This I ate to my hearts content, all the mooncakes, stuffed buttermilk biscuits and sweetened frost creams placed on the table until my belly was too full and I was sure I would wake up ill the next day with no regrets.

" _Hvat er þessi?_ " I heard Åse whisper. (What is this?)

" _Hafþúr trieð þat?_ " Haakon replied, staring intently at a small puff pastry. (Have you tried it?)

" _Þú megeigir et eittsvat ek don't veit inn foreignr kountry._ " She muttered back, scowling. (I cannot eat something i don't know from a clan I don't know.)

Haakon raised an eyebrow, " _Ek hugsþúr eru asking wrangerinn maðr."_ He answered before turning to me. (Perhaps you should ask someone who does know.)

I grimaced, clearly caught listening to their conversation, "That, um, is a berries frost cream." I remarked, "It has Blueberries, raspberries and strawberries in it."

They both nodded, serious, "We are not accustomed to desserts after our dinner. It usually ends with...well." He trailed off.

"A lot of exilir," Åse finished, "and drunk, weak men."

Haakon huffed a laugh, "That I cannot disagree with."

I recalled the name exilir from my readings. It was local clan drink, so strong that an untrained drinker could pass out with one sip for an entire day apparently.

"This is my favourite dish." I said abruptly.

Haakon glanced at my plate and chuckled, "Yes, I can see that you enjoy it."

My ears went blue. This was certainly the most flustering dinner of my life.

I should have stopped talking to not further shame myself, as the presence of a giant foreigner seemed to cause all my mental faculties to malfunction. But I was very curious, too. They seemed like people that had seen everything and lived even more. So opposite from me, who had only seen the outside walls of the palace at most.

"What does the ink mean?" I inquired after a while.

Åse seemed suddenly interested in something for the first time since the beginning of the dinner, "This is a symbol of honour." she said, "Once we reach thirteen solstices, we enter the army for our trainings. At eighteen we become militar officials and chose our first marking, signaling our loyalty to the clan and the gods. Every winning battle and fight is important, and can earn a new mark on your skin."

"I see..." I murmured, looking at her many marks, "that's really cool..."

Haakon chuckled. My eyes wavered to him, over the unclothed expanse of dark skin, smooth and unblemished.

"I see you have no ink." I observed.

Haakon gave me lopsided grin, "Yes, well...I am not of age yet, so I am not allowed to have it."

I first stared. Then gawked. What?

"H-how old are you?" I questioned, disbelieving.

"I am seventeen." He confessed, seeming sheepish.

"...seventeen." I repeated.

"Yes."

I squinted, refusing to believe that this man had only seventeen winters of life.

"You are seventeen years old, the General of one of the largest armies of the most powerful military Clan on the Land, and not yet allowed to have ink?" I stated pointedly. Åse snorted.

Haakon grimaced, "I can see you find that very hard to believe, Your highness." He said, rubbing the back of his neck, "And when you say it that way, it does sound quite unconvincing. But it is the truth."

I blinked. Åse didn't refute. He must be serious, then.

I cleared my throat, "That...that is certainly very impressive."

Haakon beamed, clearly proud.

"Don't flatter him." Åse remarked from his side, "his ego is already big enough for everyone in this room."

Before Haakon could defend himself, Hrók suddenly raised from his seat, turning his attention to us as he walked and sat on the chair by my side, the fine wood creaking under his weight.

"I see you are getting well acquainted." He smiled, but his eyes were serious. I glanced at the King, who was staring at his own hands, turning the ring on his finger, expression unreadable.

"Yes. Prince Anwyn is a generous host." Hakon spoke, nodding at me. I would like to say I did not make a fool of myself by blushing again, but that would be a clear lie.

"Thank you. I enjoyed our conversations." I replied, looking down.

Hrók chuckled, "Well, though I hate to interrupt it, I must request for Haakon and Åse to retire for the night. I will be there shortly to ask on your thoughts."

I frowned softly, slightly confused as the two Valkan stood with no qualms, excusing themselves. Haakon glanced at me, looking a bit conflicted, before leaving the hall.

The hall was quiet after they left, the two Kings in a pensive silence.

For a moment I wondered if I was supposed to excuse myself as well, but as soon as I opened my mouth, The Numenth King's austere voice immediately made me stop.

"Hrók." He said informally, "I trust you to make the correct decision."

"It is not an easy one." Hrók responded.

"I believe it is. Anwyn has been learning all the main Clan languages since he was five, along with estate duties and proper royal decorum, but he also holds interest in history, strategy and alchemy. He has probably read the entire library on his own. He will make a fundamental addition to our alliance and to your Clan."

The words made me turn to the King with big eyes, finding him already looking at me with cold ones.

"He became fluent in eksatir in a few months." He continued, eyes never wavering, "And in such an early age, he can easily accustom to your culture."

"I can see what you mean." Hrók answered, "He is intelligent, very much so and I'm sure he will grow into a distinguished individual. Therefore, is he not a valuable person for your court, if he already shows this cleverness at this age?"

"Which is why he is being chosen for such a delicate matter." The King replied with no hesitance, "These are difficult times that call for difficult decisions. He is quick minded and obedient, traits needed for a consort, specially one of another nation that will support a union such as ours. A consort, yes, but also a diplomat between the Clans."

And," the King continued after a pause, unrelenting, "the boy has very fine features, so I suspect the marital duties will appeal to your heir in case he is displeased with the accord."

I blinked rapidly at the words, my mind blanking exactly how it did when I last entered this room.

Hrók hummed, glancing at me, "I can see such an appeal in about eight years time, but now he is just a boy. I do not think Hagen will be pleased to be betrothed to a child he never met."

I felt as if I were watching this happen from afar, their words distant and dull, my mind slow to process their meaning. I felt sick.

"Then let him be sent there." The King tore his eyes away from mine, "Give one year for your son to accustom to the idea, and when Anwyn turns thirteen I will send him to your court so he can learn your ways and they can get acquainted until the eventual marriage."

Hrók frowned, thoughtful. I stared at the King.

"What..." I breathed, my throat tight, "what are you..."

The King looked at me, and I was sure he would've struck me if I were within his reach.

"Have I given you leave to speak?" He spoke quietly, eyes violent.

I shut my mouth.

"No." Hrók said, turning to me, "Let him speak. His is the most important part of this accord. He must have a say as well."

I looked at him, and then glanced at the King, uneasiness keeping me from saying anything.

"Child." Hrók placed a hand on my shoulder, "You may speak."

I clutched my arms, "I...I'm not sure what this is about, Exalted. T-there must have been a...a mistake." I shook my hand, "I-i was not to be sent elsewhere."

Hrók frowned, "What?" He looked at the King, "Does he not know? Have you not told him?"

"There was no time." The King answered swiftly, gaze piercing, "He was mourning his mother. His mind was weak."

I had no time to answer before he continued, leaning forward, "But I did tell him that he would be sent away," he remarked, raising an eyebrow, "Did I not?"

...he had.

"Yes." I murmured, "You did."

Hrók nodded, "Well, then we shall explain what is to be done."

"There is no need for an explanation." The King added, "What we need now is your approval. I will explain everything to him later, but Anwyn is competent and will do what it takes to aid his clan," He focused on me again, gaze burning, "just like his mother did."

I stilled.

Hrók glanced at me, but I didn't look back, my eyes slightly dazed.

"Little one." He said, "Can we entrust you with this?"

I pressed my lips together tightly.

A few months ago I was sure that my answer would have been no. No, I did not think I could leave my family, my home, and everything I knew in order to help people who didn't care in the slightest for me. I did not think I could leave my life behind and lose what I have for the greater good.

But mother did that, even if she could not take it anymore and chose to die in the end. And Arius as well, who left to became my knight, to die for me if necessary, instead of living a life for himself.

Whatever it was that father wished for me to do, I was sure I had been chosen with the purpose to be sent away as far as possible. As Consort, I would be erased from the line of succession. I would not be his heir, only the Prince who helped to consolidate and alliance, and he would be free to marry and have as many normal sons and daughters as he wanted.

Maybe it was for the better. Maybe I really did not belong here. I was not wanted here.

"...Exalted," I said after a pause, "I...would like to speak with the King for a moment, if you allow me."

Hrók gave a sharp nod, "Of course, it is no issue. Gaïos, I will consult with my advisers and give you an answer tomorrow before we leave."

The Rhun King looked at me with kind eyes, "Your decision is the most important, little one. I trust you will chose correctly. It will mean a lot to my final decision as well."

I gulped.

He stood and excused himself, his bulky figure just barely passing through door, and soon we were the only ones left.

I looked down, my hands cold and clammy.

"I...." I started, my voice thick, "I'm sorry, but-"

"You will agree."

My heart hammered in my chest, dread twisting in my gut. This wasn't happening.

"I...I can't."

"You can." The King stated, "You will."

"Please." I whispered, fisting my clothes, "please, don't send me away."

The King laughed, a cold, hollow sound, that resounded inside the empty room. It made me sick.

"How selfish of you, boy, to think of yourself ahead of your own clan. I thought you had more of your mother in you." He mocked.

"...you're telling me to leave everything behind." I fidgeted with my fingers, scratching my skin, "But...my mother didn't do that...did she?"

Silence.

I flinched when a rough hand grabbed my jaw and turned my face harshly, dragging my face closer to his.

"Listen to me, you little mongrel." The King sneered, squeezing my face painfully, "You should be thanking me on your knees for the mercy I'm giving you. I could have had you erased from the royal books entirely for the shame you have brought to this house, and sold you to some old Lord before you even completed thirteen winters, but I am giving you to a future King of an even more powerful clan than mine, and six years to accustom to the idea."

"So if you want to preserve what is left of your dignity, you will accept the offer." He continued, yellow eyes boring into me, "Before I change my mind and have you disgraced for being a bastard."

I blanched.

The King let go of me and stood abruptly, the chair screeching loudly in the silence with the harsh movement.

"Wait." I breathed out when he made for the door, standing as well, "Wait!"

I ran to him when he didn't stop, reaching for his gown, "Please, wait! I can't, i-"

A stinging pain on my cheek made me stumble back and almost fall down, sharp and sudden, hard enough to make my vision spin and for my mind to halt in confusion.

I touched my cheek with wide eyes. It was hot and tender. He slapped me.

I looked up, slowly, and found the King glaring me down intensely, eyes dark.

"You will leave in a year." He ordered calmly, "They will send tutors to teach you basic customs and the like, you will learn everything that you are capable of while you are still here, and then you will leave. When you turn eighteen winters you will marry the King's son, and do everything he asks of you, because it is your duty. Do you understand?"

I stared at him numbly.

"...yes, your highness."

______________________

The next day was passed in a haze.

The last arrangements regarding the accord were made swiftly, and I agreed to all the conditions as I was told to do. The Rhun King had spoken to his advisors and they both had approved of my potential to join their court as well, though King Hrók had expressed concern towards me leaving home six years prior the actual marriage, with no expectations of returning to even visit. I thought it was for the best.

General Haakon must have thought so as well, because he gave my swollen cheek one long glance and quickly said that it would be better for my development as a King-consort to go as early as I could to the Clan. The King agreed.

Hrók eventually yielded, and the rest of the reunion happened smoothly. Though it was about me, nothing of this truly concerned me, so I only watched everything quietly.

Soon the Valkan were leaving, and I realised that from that moment on I had one year left in the only place I've ever known in my life, and an arranged marriage between me and a man I had never met before had been formally settled.

"Hello." Someone called me.

I turned.

Haakon was already dressed for travel, now wearing something that actually seemed to cover him. He smiled at me, "Don't worry." He said, voice low, "It will be fine."

I stared at him, and nodded weakly, "Yes."

Haakon pressed his lips together. Giving a quick glance around himself, he paused for a moment before suddenly crouching down in front of me, his thick travel coat dragging on the floor. I raised my eyebrows.

"Hagen is a good man." He whispered to me, "he will treat you well. You don't have to be afraid."

"I'm not afraid." I said back.

He grinned and sniffled the air, nostrils flaring, "You know," he started, tapping his own nose, "We Valkan can smell emotions, faintly, but it's usually very accurate."

I scrunched up my face, "Well, then it's probably not working properly. Also, it's not polite to smell other people."

Haakon laughed, "You're right. My apologies, your highness." He said, "Though, in a few years, I'll have to call you Exalted as well. And I'll serve under you. How cool is that?"

My mouth twitched, a soft blue colouring my cheeks, "Yes...it's kind of cool."

"And," Haakon continued, "You could get some ink of your own as well."

My eyes lit up, "Really? I could?"

"Of course." Haakon said, straightening to his full height, until I had to strain my neck back to look at him.

"You can ask Hagen when we return about the ink. I'm sure he will love to explain it to you." He said, patting my head softly.

I stiffened at the mention of my betrothed, "Yes...I hope so." I mumbled in response.

Well into the afternoon, the valkan party bid farewell and left the palace, with them the promise to return in one year's time, to escort me towards my new home.

I sat for hours in the library after all of it, Arius by my side. I hadn't told him yet, and I didn't know if I would at all.

I was engaged. I was going to be the first consort of a foreign King I've never seen. My task was to support the alliance and grant political privileges to Numenth. Because it was my duty.

That night, when the tears finally flooded my eyes and ran down my cheeks, I let them.

That was the last time I cried in the next six years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: parental abuse/violence


	3. depaysement

_(n.) when someone is taken out of their familiar world into an unknown one._

My thirteenth birthday was an exorbitant celebration, to say the least.

The nelaarin's age of social presentation was organised when one completed fifteen winters, the age of the first stage of adulthood, and so it is common for nobles to perform a debut event for their children to be introduced into high society.

I smiled gently at the guests, talking softly and clearly, indulging in their conversations for a short while before excusing myself politely. One year ago, attending royal events had become one more of my many obligations, one more skill to be learned for my eventual ingression into the Rhun court.

No one questioned the reasoning for the advancement of two winters of my royal event. The announcement of my marriage to another clan had been made one week ago to the public, and now the people and the court all knew that this celebration, rather than a welcome, was a farewell.

"You have grown so well, your highness." Lady Aiyana complimented with a wide smile, "The Rhun heir will surely be pleased by such a beauty."

"You flatter me, my Lady." I smiled, "But yes, I do hope Lord Hagen is pleased with me."

"I hear they are gigantic barbarians." Lord Vulir slurred, face flushed with drunkenness, "That they reach eight feet tall and are as wide as a xalanth jaguar."

"I heard they eat more then a hundreds pounds of meat every day to maintain their bodies. Imagine how many animals they kill in a daily basis?" Lady Odalis complemented.

"If they really are as huge as rumors say." Vulir whispered conspiratorially, "Imagine the size of their cock."

I choked on my drink.

"I see Lord Vulir is still incapable of speaking of any subject without somehow introducing cock into the conversation," Lady Aiyana laughed, "How does your husband handle?"

"Oh, he handles very well, my Lady." He chimed, "I had been throughoutly enraged with my father for marring me off to a man thirty winters older than me, but the old man is wonderful." He grinned slyly, "and wonderfully skilled as well."

I cleaned my throat, "I am still sad that I could not make it to your wedding, Lord Vulir." I interrupted, changing the subject.

"Oh, it is fine." He said with a smile, "Though, I would love to go to yours. I bet your man is deliciously handsome. I heard many things about him these last few days, after your betrothal was announced."

"I did as well." Lady Odalis added, "Brown skin, golden hair and grey eyes. He seems to come straight out of a god's tale."

"I bet his cock is as big as my arm." Vulir sang.

"By the gods." Lady Aiyana sighed.

"Well, I do hope not." I mumbled under my breath, sipping the wine.

"But it is also said that his sworn brother, General Haakon, is also incredibly popular in their Clan." Lady Odalis remarked.

Unintentionally, I immediately became more aware of the conversation at the mention of Haakon. I hadn't seen him since that day a year ago, but his kindness and friendliness had left an impression on me. I was excited to see him again.

"They say he beds more then ten slaves every night. I heard there was this Lord he bedded, he fucked the man for more than ten hours!"

"Is that even possible?" I inquired, skeptical.

"For Valkan is must be." She said, "they are like animals."

"You have met General Haakon, have you not, your highness?" Lady Aiyana asked.

I mentally cursed at the flush I knew was spreading on my cheeks, "Yes. I have."

Vulir's eyes widened, "Is your highness blushing?!"

I coughed, "The wine is getting to me."

"Nonsense." He chided, "I've seen you drink thirty chalices and not even breath differently."

"Yes, well..." I trailed off, sipping my drink again.

The three Lords grinned, glancing between themselves.

"He is as handsome as they say, isn't he." Odalis smirked.

Yes.

"As I am to be married to his sworn brother." I answered carefully, "It does not matter to me how handsome the General is."

"Oh, don't be like that." Vulir said, "You can appreciate things from afar. Or..." he looked around himself before murmuring, "You can cause a scandal and have them fight for your hand. I'd love to see that."

My mouth twitched and I rolled my eyes, "Unfortunately this is not a fantasy tale, Lord Vulir. Now, if you'll excuse me, I will go greet the other guests."

They bowed swiftly as I turned, rested by the conversation. I had met the three lords some months ago, and since then it became somewhat of a custom for us to meet and talk unbidden of anything. They had been a great help for me to accommodate into the court, despite their unabashed behaviour.

They didn't mind the general prejudice against my...condition. Though, after my mother's death and the declaration of my marriage, it seems the rumours of the curse almost stopped, and I barely heard any words of it again. It was as if it had never happened.

I walked around the wide hall, greeting those who came and giving farewell to those who were leaving, as I usually did. It barely felt that this celebration was for me, if it weren't for the extravagant presents I was receiving, this could be a regular party in a regular day, ordinary in the life of courtiers.

But this would be my last celebration in my clan.

I took a chalice of wine of a passing servant and drank it in one long gulp, eager to make myself loose and serene. Eager to make myself forget.

"I see you are almost becoming an addict."

I huffed at the voice, "I see you are still overbearingly annoying."

Arius nodded, "That I am."

"What do you want."

He sent a glance back, "You majesty, The King, has told me to escort you to your rooms, as tomorrow the Rhun delegation will arrive."

I licked my lips, "It is my birthday. I retire when the celebration ends."

Arius sighed, "I apologise, your highness." Was all he said.

I looked at him. And then my eyes wavered to the edge of the room, where the throne sat higher than everything else, made in sheer diamond glass.

The King sat there, untouchable, overseeing all from above.

I looked away before our eyes could met.

I left. The doors of the hall closed behind me, and the holler sound of the party disappeared abruptly, leaving me in the silent, cold hallway.

This would be my last time.

"...Your highness?" Arius asked.

I turned and walked.

I was talking off my clothes before the doors of my chambers had even completely closed behind me, ripping the silken layers and the jewels hanging from my ears and neck.

"Your highness."

I ignored him, taking off my under clothes, I slipped on a nightshirt and went directly to the small table in the corner of my room.

"Anwyn."

I ripped of the stopper of the bottle and, neglecting a cup, drank from directly from it, shutting my eyes tightly and feeling the burning liquid run down my throat and into my stomach.

The bottle was suddenly yanked from my hand, as it had happened oftentimes before. Things didn't seem to have changed.

But they would, after tomorrow.

"Arius." I grit out, "give it back."

"No. I won't let you do this." He shook his head, "You are thirteen. This isn't good for you."

I laughed, "Good for me? Has that ever mattered?"

He pursed his lips, "This isn't the way to feel better."

"I don't care." I raised my hand, "Give it back."

Arius didn't move, "...you shouldn't drink. You'll become dependent."

I clenched my hands into fists and walked towards him, "If you do not like me drinking." I tugged the bottle back from his lose hand, "Then you are free to speak to whom first ordered me to start."

I turned back to him and staggered to the cushions on the ground in front of the wide windows, laying over them and drinking more in quick mouthfuls.

The moons were small slits in the night sky, the clouds thick enough to hide the stars, barely lighting the landscape. Everything was very dark.

Without a word, Arius sat by my side.

I had avoided telling him of the betrothal to the very last moment, somehow hoping it had all been a bad dream if no one else but me knew, even if tutors from the Rhun Clan were periodically sent to teach me.

So, he found out along with everybody else. I knew I should've have done that, Arius has been my guard since I was five winters, and had planned to stay many winters more. And now I was leaving.

"I'm leaving." I said.

"...I know." Arius answered.

I squeezed my eyes shut, feeling the alcohol uncoiling my tense muscles.

"...You'll be just fine without me." I muttered.

He sighed, "Anwyn-"

"I know you will." I continued, "But...I don't think I'll be fine without you."

I turned to look at him. He was already looking back, yellow eyes gleaming.

"I didn't tell you...because I was afraid you would leave me." I breathed, "and I'm...I'm tired of being left behind. I'm tired of it."

"It is alright." He assured me, "I understand."

"It is not alright." I insisted, "I was wrong not to trust you, and I apologise. Truly."

Arius breathed in deeply, "Yes, well...I was quite shocked when I received the announcement. And i almost choked to death by the bread I was eating at the time, so I don't know if I can forgive you that easily."

"Arius." I whined.

He gave me glance, grinning, then moved his head in acknowledgement, "Alright. You are forgiven."

I sighed in relief and took one more gulp of the wine. This time, when he took it from my hand, I just laughed.

We sat there for a moment, drinking and staring at the moons quietly. After tomorrow this would change, but today everything was as it had always been.

"You have never seen him, correct?" Arius suddenly asked, drinking from the bottle, "Lord Hagen?"

I glanced at him, not minding at how he clearly had taken all the jugs to keep me from drinking, "No. I haven't."

"What do you know about him?"

"...Anything I could find." I shrugged, "He has twenty winters, his birthday is in mid-solstice, he became an army official at seventeen, only to chose to turn to politics, becoming a High chancellor, the most prominent political figure of the clan after the King, a few months ago. He has been in the position for little time but is already held highly by most. He still maintains daily combat trainings and is one of the best, second only to his sworn brother. He is the only child of the late Queen, who died at his birth, and it is said that is one of the reasons for the strained relationship between him and his father, the king."

"He dislikes sweets and likes drinking parties. He has twenty-five slaves in his household, and most of them are fair-skinned and thin." I chuckled softly, "I suppose one thing about me is going to please him."

"Do not say that." Arius scowled, "You are an extraordinary person. If he cannot see that, then he is a fool."

A warm feeling flooded my chest at his words, my cheeks warming.

"...I do not like how much older he is." Arius said, not minding my silence, "You are thirteen and he will complete twenty one winters this year."

"We will only marry when I'm eighteen."

"It doesn't matter." He glowered, "We do not know his character. This is dangerous."

I snorted, "I suppose. Though nothing will change even if he is a terrible person."

Arius' jaw clenched, "Yes...I suppose not."

"...Let us hope he isn't." I gave him a half-smile.

I had hardly thought too much in what kind of man I would eventually marry. If he was either fair or cruel would not make a difference in the occurrence of the wedding, so I thought it would be better if i ignored that entirely.

Yet also, a year ago, General Haakon had told me that the heir was a good man. And I, unthinkingly, had somewhat believed him. I wish I hadn't, so that I wouldn't be frustrated in case it wasn't true, but I held onto his words with everything I had. It was the only reassurance I was given of whom would become my family.

All I could do now was hope it was true.

I fell asleep minutes later and didn't wake as Arius put me in my bed. I did not dream that night.

_______________________

I woke to the bells.

I blinked slowly. Sunlight painted the walls through the curtains. The air was cold and humid with morning dew.

I yawned, and before I could even fully open my eyes the doors burst open and servants flooded my room. I sighed.

"Your highness, good morning." Málako greeted, opening the curtains, "The Rhun delegation will arrive in two hours. You must eat so we can begin preparations."

"Why so early?" I asked tiredly, squinting against the light, "I can do all that in less than an hour."

"We were made aware during the night that Lord Hagen has joined the delegation, and will come to met you today." He said.

I sprang up from the bed, "L-Lord Hagen?"

"Yes." Málako answered calmly, setting the tray with food on my lap, "I have chosen light greens for you breakfast in case you feel nervous."

I rubbed my face forcefully, feeling a headache building in the back of my skull. Looking down at the food, I pressed my lips together when I felt my stomach churn, anxiety already gnarling at me.

This was happening. He was coming.

The bath was longer then any I had ever taken. They scrubbed my skin until it was light blue and washed my hair with so many oils that i lost count. Creams and soothing oils coated me from head to toe, my hair was brushed several times until they plated it in a tight braid for travel. I had been told not to cut my hair a year ago, and now it reached just below my shoulders.

One long, black sapphire earring adorned my ears, along with a delicate silver circlet. Málako had insisted in more, but I refused to use so much jewellery during a two week travel.

They dressed me in layers, both light and heavy, with the last ones being a dark cloth with silver embroidery in flower patterns, and over it a thin, sheer white silk, finishing in a tight white sash around my waist.

Though beautiful, it all felt so very constricting. I felt suffocated.

"You look stunning, your highness." Málako said proudly, "I am sure the Lord will be pleased."

"Yes." I mumbled, dazed, "I hope he is."

I winced when the bells resounded once again, the sound sharp and loud.

"They are here." Málako said after a pause before gesturing at the servants, "Quick, finish packing the prince's belongings."

The old man turned and looked at me from head to toe once again, nodding at himself earnestly.

"It was my honour to serve you for the last thirteen winters, you highness." He stated seriously.

I smiled sadly, my chest tight, "Yes. It was an honour to have been taken care of by you for all this time."

He bowed, and I noticed his eyes were slightly glossy, "Farewell. I will pray for the gods to bless you with protection."

I swallowed thickly, breathing in, "Thank you Málako, I...really appreciate it."

There was a knock to the door, and Arius entered with a grim expression on his face.

"I'm here to escort Your highness to the hall." He informed steadily.

I nodded, looking around my room for a moment. Now, it was nearly empty. It looked nothing like the place i grew in.

"...Anwyn."

"Yes, I'm going." I mumbled.

After a moment, I turned, facing Arius, and strutted towards him.

"How do i look?" I asked, halting and giving a twirl.

His expression softened a bit. He nodded, "You look lovely, your highness." Then he gestured to his ears, "Though, the earrings are a little too much."

"Oh, shut up." I replied, walking pass him through the doors, his loud laugh resounding behind me.

We walked in silence to the Main hall, my heart hammering painfully in my chest with every step I took closer. I clutched my trembling hands into fists, cutting half-moons into my palms with the pressure.

I wasn't ready.

We stopped ahead of the doors, and I felt like my feet were stuck to the floor, and air couldn't reach my lugs like it should, icy panic making my mind blank and my body freeze achingly.

A hand to my shoulder made me wince, and I turned wide eyes to Arius' hard ones.

"It's alright." He said, his voice dull and distant to my ears, "You can do this, I know you can. Everything will be fine. Trust me."

I blinked rapidly at him, panting, trying to breathe, but I couldn't, i-

"Breath in and breath out, come on." He ordered, "in and out, you can do this."

Closing my eyes tightly i did as he said, forcing myself to respond, my throat rasped with every inhale and exhale.

"That's it." He nodded encouragingly, "That's it, that's good."

A panicked chuckle left my lips, and I suddenly felt more awake than i had all morning.

"That," i breathed out, "was horrible."

The corner of his mouth lifted, but his expression was still concerned, "Yeah, it was. Are you feeling better?"

"Yes, um, I'm..." i bit my lip, "I'm sorry. I'm acting like a child."

Arius opened his mouth to answer, but the voices on the other side of the door made us both turn.

"-sure you do not want to stay the night?" The King said, his tone light, "The travel must have been tiresome."

"It is alright." A deep voice answered, one I have never heard before, "These are difficult times. I prefer to refrain from leaving my Clan for too long. But i thank your hospitality."

We looked at each other, and I gulped nervously. Arius gave my shoulder a light squeeze before letting go and stepping behind me.

I took a deep breath, glancing down to see if there was anything out of place and fixing my crooked circlet, before nodding to the guards standing by the doors.

The doors never quite sounded so loud to me like they did at that moment. The guard had announced my name, but I had barely heard it as I forced myself to relax and stepped forward into the wide room.

Four people in total sat inside the room. The King on his throne, expression amiable, though he didn't even glance my way. A woman i haven't met before was there, her skin dark and her hair, cut close to her head, a shade of bright red I have never seen someone have. Even sitting she was big, much like her kin, and she had ink on one side of her face, neck and arm.

Haakon was there as well, tall and bright and smiling. He was the same as the last time I saw him, if not for the faint stubble on his jaw and the new ink marking drawn over one of his shoulders.

I had no time to see what it was, though, before someone stood abruptly and my eyes found his.

He was tall. Taller than Haakon, not by much, but enough for me to notice. He was incredibly broad as well, muscles taught and mostly uncovered, if not for the fur around his shoulders, which became a red cape that reached the ground, and the loose dark trousers tied by a leather belt.

He had ink on one of his pectorals and one arm. His skin was tan, almost bronze, his hair long and the colour of burnt gold, tied in a high ponytail, his eyes a pale shade of grey.

He smiled at me and I blinked.

"It is an honour," He said, walking towards me, "To met you at last, Prince Anwyn."

He extended his hand, and i in a confused daze put my hand over his without a single word, staring at him. He bent down and planted a soft kiss over my fingers.

The feeling of his lips on my skin snapped me out of my stupor, and I flushed a deep blue, "The honour is mine, Lord Hagen." I replied quickly, embarrassed.

He straightened, and didn't seem to mind me ogling him.

"Pardon my boldness, your highness." He then said, glancing at my head, "But of all the things I have heard of you, I have not heard enough about your beauty. I have never personally seen such a fair shade of hair."

"Oh," My eyes widened and I felt my cheeks warm, "T-thank you, my Lord. You are too kind."

"I speak only the truth." He answered with a smile before motioning behind him, "You have already met my sworn brother, Haakon, correct?"

"Yes, we've met." I said, turning and nodding at him, trying to compose myself, "General Haakon."

"Prince Anwyn." He replied, grinning, "I see you have grown only an inch or two since my absence."

"I see you still have a childish humor although supposedly you became an adult." I replied softly, eyeing his ink.

Hagen let out a surprised laugh, "Hann er hvass." (He's sharp.)

"Like a knife." Haakon nodded, still smiling, "It is great to see you again, your highness."

I nodded back, before turning to the last person on the room. She was smiling as well, her canines showing.

"This is my sister, Lady Yrsa. She volunteered to come today." Hagen explained.

She stood, and truly, she was taller and larger then her sister Åse, whom I've met before. She may be as tall as the Rhun King himself.

"Prince Anwyn." She hit her chest in greeting. She then walked closer, until she was standing in front of me, and offered her palm like her brother, "Pleasure to make acquaintance."

I was stunned, but settled my hand over hers nonetheless. Her kiss was far longer then Hagen's, her eyes lingering on my skin afterwards.

"Ek sjá þú hafar kompetitor, minn vinr." Haakon mumbled to Hagen. (I see you have a competitor, my friend.)

"Eigi quite enn." Yrsa said thoughtfully, still looking at me, "Haan er still too ungr, gefmikr fárr years ok vér munu sjá." (Not quite yet. He is still too young, give it a few years and we will see.)

My mouth fell open by her words.

"Do not mind her." Hagen said, "They let her fall as a babe. Several times."

"Kroj þú." She answered with a wolfish smile. (Fuck you.)

"Very well." Haakon said, sounding scandalised by the exchange, "I suppose it is time to leave. We will no longer take advantage of your kindness, Your majesty."

Only now did I turn to the King. He had been silent until now.

He stood, "Let us go, then." Was all he said.

We all walked to the entrance of the palace silently. The three Valkan kept looking around themselves at the extravagant decor of the halls, and I kept glancing to Hagen.

He was very, very handsome. And gentle, and nice. It was too good to be true.

Something in my belly fluttered when he suddenly looked at me as well, and our eyes met. I turned away quickly, flushing. A second later I looked behind myself, embarrassed to see if Arius had seen that, and realised that he was nowhere in sight.

We all arrived at the entrance, where a large marble stairway led to the front gardens and, at last, the gates.

I have never passed through that gate before.

"Farewell, Your majesty." I heard Lord Hagen say as he bowed his head slightly, "I hope this arrangement will further improve our relations in the future. Not only as allies but as friends and family."

"Yes, I hope as well, Lord Hagen. It was an honour to have my son be your consort." The King replied.

Hagen looked at me and nodded, before turning and walking down the stairs.

I was about to go as well when a hand settled over my head. I tensed.

"Remember." The King said, "That man is now your god. His word is law. Do not disappoint me and your mother."

I swallowed, coldness sliding down my spine.

The hand left, and without a word, the King turned and returned inside.

I pressed my lips and walked down.

There were several khranoi horses ready for travel, their coat dark and shiny. I stared at them curiously, eyeing their horns.

"Is it your first time seeing this breed of horses?" Someone asked.

My eyes wavered and found Hagen holding the reins to his own horse. It was enormous this close, reaching eight feet tall, it could easily step over me.

"Yes. I've only seen them in books before." I replied.

"When we stop to rest, i can help you mount mine." He smiled, "How does that sound?"

"Oh, I would love to!" I beamed, looking at the beast expectantly, "If it is no trouble, of course." I amended.

"It is not." He assured me, "But for now, there is a carriage for you. You will be the only one inside, so you can rest easy. It is a long travel."

He led me to the carriage. It was simple compared to the ones used by nobility on my clan, completely of gold and with no adornments. I paused for a moment, hesitant about leaving without saying goodbye to Arius.

Hagen offered his hand, and I was about to begrudgingly accept that i would not see him when something blue caught my gaze.

"Is that..." i squinted as i saw a familiar dark hair mounting a horse.

"You are allowed to keep one companion." Hagen supplied after understanding where I was looking, "That guard was suggested by your father. Was it wrong of him?"

My eyes found Arius', and such relief flooded my chest that I almost felt dizzy.

"No. No, it was not." I smiled.

Arius winked at me and I rolled my eyes. That bastard.

With Hagen's help, I got into the carriage, which had soft, white paddings all over, and two windows on each side. For them it may have been a small thing, but for me it was incredibly spacious.

The last arrangements were made and, minutes later, we started to move.

Nervousness made me restless, but now less in fear and more in excitement in what was about to come. I felt a rush of thrill that I haven't in a long time. There wasn't the expected dread i thought I would feel in leaving this place, not when every valkan i have met until now have treated me well and held no prejudices against me. Things were going better then I could have ever imagined.

As the carriage moved, I caught a glimpse of the mausoleum where my mother was buried. I gazed at it until it disappeared from view, shielded by the white trees.

"I'm going to be okay, mom." I whispered, resolved, "I have to."

We passed through the palace gates, and into the city, where I saw the people whom one day i was supposed to rule wave and throw red flowers on the ground we walked, smiling and cheering. I eyed the red petals being crushed by the heavy hoofs of the horses. They saw my departure as a warrior leaving for battle.

A sacrifice.

An hour later, when we at last passed through the city gates and into the unknown, I didn't look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: underage drinking, foul language, implied/referenced slavery


	4. Hiraeth

(n.) a homesickness for a home to which you cannot return to; a home which perhaps never was.

The travel was both terrible and fantastic at once. 

The first day had been unforgettable. The feeling i had when I saw the wide and endless green mountains, the tall oak trees and the vast wildlife of the outside. Reading of them was so very different of seeing with your own eyes. Even the air I breathed felt different. Clearer.

Though i had to see everything from inside that damned carriage.

"It is for your highness's safety." Haakon had said seriously after I complained, "It is a known fact that we came to the clan to escort your highness. There can be many bandits and the like on the road that could profit from your capture."

"The future King of Rhun is here." I said disbelieving, "Why target me if he certainly has more value?"

"Because nobody would be foolish enough to try and attack him." He pointed out with a raised eyebrow, "My Lord can defend himself and it is much more risky politically to kidnap the heir of a nation. Your highness, on the other hand, is vulnerable to assaults and has a suitable political position for abduction and ransom."

I frowned, pursing my lips in thought. 

"Are you saying you would not be capable to protect me in case we were attacked?" I inquired after a pause, crossing my arms.

Haakon seemed offended "I-"

"Prince Anwyn." Someone interrupted.

I turned, and found Lord Hagen right behind me, shirtless and dripping with water.

We had stopped for a rest earlier close to a clear river, which was used for a well deserved bath after two days of travelling. The Valkan had not taken any bath tools for the journey, as they wanted it to be as fast and lightweight as possible, but though we brought a bathtub of our own, Arius thought it would be a good idea to do bathe in the river as well, and I, for some reason, accepted it. And so, I took my very first and very last outside bath ever.

I had insisted on going first and by myself, as the Valkan seemed to have the tendency for doing everything together at all times. I made Arius stand on guard while I rinsed in the frigid water of the river quickly, my hands barely managing to rub the soap into my skin without trembling.

After I left, as I had predicted, all of the Valkan delegation went to wash as well, twenty or so women and men, including Lord Hagen, with no shame for the other's nudity. I was throughly scandalised. 

Not only that, but Arius, brash as he was, went as well, saying that it was a 'new cultural experience.' and that i should have gone as well, since the 'baths in Rhun were all public areas, even for royalty'"

I blinked, my face directly in front of Hagen's chest, before taking a step backwards, my cheeks warm. 

What in the hell is happening to me?

I licked my dry lips, "Um, yes?" 

"Let us make a deal." He clarified, taking a cotton towel offered by a silent slave, "Haakon is right, for now it is dangerous for you to leave the carriage and mount a horse, since the carriage is placed in the middle of our formation. It is the safest place you could be."

I sighed, "But-"

"But." He continued, "When we arrive in Rhun land and get closer to the capital, you can ride with me." 

My eyes went round, "Really? Thank you! I-" I snapped my mouth close, straightened and cleaned my throat, "Um, I really appreciate Lord Hagen's consideration towards me."

He smiled, "It is no trouble." He said, "We are betrothed, after all."

After being suddenly called by someone he excused himself and left. I watched him go, frowning slightly. Something in the way he said that sounded odd. 

After that, the days passed uneventfully, and it would have been extremely boring if not for the books I had brought with me, knowing the journey would last a fortnight. Around the tenth day, as I read a book about the Rhun royalty tree, i heard a soft knock to my window.

I got up from the seat and opened the curtains, only to see it was Haakon, his horse riding close to the carriage. He pointed to the sky.

The sky was pure white, small snowflakes were starting to fall lazily over the ground, coating the greenery softly and slowly. 

I opened the glass window, breathing in the fresh, frigid air of winter. It reminded me of home.

"How did you know i liked the snow?" I asked without looking.

"I remember from the first time I met Your highness." He answered, "It was snowing as well, and your highness kept looking through the window. I guessed that could be it."

I smiled and extended my hand outside, a snowflake falling over my opened palm and almost immediately melting into water. He was right.

"Here." Haakon said, taking a quilt from one of the bags and handling it to me, "It will get very cold in a few hours."

"Oh." I raised my eyebrows, "It's alright. I'm used to winter. And I'm sure you are going to need it more then me." I answered, looking pointedly at his lack of winter clothes.

"I am naturally very warm." He insisted, "Valkan are biologically resistant to the cold, and your highness is very small. You should take it."

I rolled my eyes him. 

Another thing about Valkans that I had quickly noticed is how incredibly stubborn they were, about the most trivial of things, so this time I only sighed and took the quilt without another word, saying a quiet thank you before settling back inside the carriage.

The quilt, unlike most of their coats, was not made of animal fur, but a thick and soft cotton. I smiled again.

I did not manage to speak much to Hagen during the journey, as we barely stopped for rest and, when we did, even i was quick to sleep, exhausted and weary of spending so many hours inside the moving carriage.

Even so, i was excited about narrowing the gap between the both of us. There would be a long time until our marriage, five years in total, and I firmly believed we could build somewhat of a friendship until the ceremony. And, perhaps, even something more...

The thought made me blush, and I smiled softly. Maybe, just maybe, I would be able to have a loving husband. Maybe even a soulbond.

On the last day of our travel, as we stopped for the night, the snow had become slightly more intense, not yet a blizzard, but the wind was biting and my feet felt numb after walking a few minutes on the ivory soil, Arius as always a few steps behind me.

I breathed in, feeling the coldness filling my lungs and fog leave my lips. I watched as the sun set in a red sky, shadowing the leafless trees in the area. It was all white and red, like the splashes of the red roses on the alabaster stone of the Numenth capital on the day i left.

I hissed softly when a sudden sharp pain stung the back of my head. I pressed my hand over it, but there was nothing i could feel. I looked at my hand, but there was nothing there either. I looked around myself, frowning, but i hadn't felt anything hitting me. 

I flinched when I heard the cracking of a branch behind me. I whirled around and came face to face with a giant wolf.

After a stunned pause i gasped and tried to take a step backwards, but my foot stuck on the snow and I ended falling on the moist ground, eyes wide and unwavering on the wolf.

Standing, it seemed the same size of the xalanth horse, but I had never read of a race of wolves so big, not even the Moon Clan of the wild Elves of the west possessed such enormous breeds, unless...

The wolf was dark brown, almost black, with some splotches of a light, tawny brown as well, his fur curling around the edges. His eyes were a cutting blue.

The wolf pawed the ground by my feet, and then laid down completely, settling it's huge hand over his paws and flattening his ears, eyes still on me.

I stared at it.

Brown fur and blue eyes.

"...Haakon?" I whispered astonished. 

The wolf raised it's head, it's tongue lolling out and it's tail wagging over the snow in powerful hits. He seemed to be...nodding? 

I let out a surprised laugh, "Is it really you?"

The wolf huffed and sat up on it's hinges, looking down at me attentively.

I laughed again, my eyes still round, "I...had completely forgotten you were a shapeshifter."

Haakon barked, then got up and twirled around me, his thick fur covered in small white dots. In a daring move i raised my hand and touched it softly, feeling the rough pelt under my fingers. 

"You are in serious need of a bath." I commented, standing up as i petted his side, "Your fur is becoming coarse."

He yapped at me, turned and suddenly bumped his head against my chest. I yelped as I fell over the snow with a hollow sound again, completely wetting me from head to toe.

"Haakon!" I hissed.

He twirled around himself, huffing, before running away and swiftly disappearing into the woods.

I sighed, feeling the snow slowly soak through my clothes. I heard a muffled snicker a few meters away as well, and cursed the day I chose Arius to be my guard. 

"Are you alright?" 

I turned quickly and saw Lord Hagen eyeing me with an amused expression on his face, arms crossed over his broad chest.

I turned a deep shade of blue.

"Oh, y-yes!" I answered, trying to get up, "I am alright, it's just, the General, he-"

I let out a yelp when I slipped on the smooth floor again, but before i could end on the ground, a hand suddenly held my arm and another curled around my waist, steadying me.

I looked upwards, and found Hagen's face awfully close to mine.

"Are you sure?" He asked, his voice low, the corner of his mouth lifted.

I cleaned my throat, trying to step back, but my legs felt too unstable to let go of him, "Yes, I'm fine. Splendid." I grit out. 

Hagen chuckled, letting go of my waist and putting a proper distance between us, but still holding my hand, "I must apologise for Haakon's behaviour. He tends to take advantage of his shifting to...act playful with no consequences." He explained, "You see, Haakon is the first shapeshifter in our clan for the last eight hundred years, so he is rather spoiled." 

"Ah, it's no trouble." I shook my head, "I'll get back at him at some point."

He grinned, then gestured to the camp, "Come. I will see to that you have a warm bath before you become ill."

I smiled softly, feeling quite warm already, as we walked back to the camp, Hagen's much bigger hand holding mine throughout the whole way. 

And though I tried, I did not miss Arius' gaze following us, eyes intent on our linked hands, expression clouded. 

_______________________

We would arrive today.

The thought made my belly flutter nervously. So many days of travelling had almost made me forget the purpose of it all, but now our destination was a few miles away. The Clan where I was to be one of the rulers of, was finally close. 

My heart kept hammering against my chest, and my hands felt clammy even with the frigid cold as I kept braiding, loosening and braiding my hair repeatedly. It was happening.

"I see you are excited." Arius commented, putting my things inside the carriage as our last stop before arriving ended. He knew I tended to plait my hair frenetically when I became anxious.

I forced my fingers to quiet down, "Yes, I am quite excited to finally stop and rest in an actual room and an actual bed."

"You and I both, highness." Arius agreed, opening the door for me to enter.

I was stepping onto the first stair of the carriage when a hand on my wrist stopped me. I turned and faced Hagen, who had a small smile on his lips.

Hagen almost immediately let go and gave a step back, "Excuse me, Prince Anwyn. This is our last ride, and I think I have a promise to fulfill now that we are close to the city."

I was confused for a quick moment before realisation came to me, and i raised my eyebrows in surprise. Though he did promise, I thought he was probably only trying to be polite.

"I certainly do not wish to trouble you, Lord Hagen." I tried.

"There is no trouble." He insisted, "I do not like to break promises, no matter how trivial they are."

I nodded, biting my lip. I glanced at Arius, who was staring at the floor.

I hesitated, but still went after a moment, Arius' gaze burning my back as we got close to Hagen's dark stallion. He mounted first in one skilled movement, then offered his hand to me.

I took it and he effortlessly hoisted me upwards, settling me in front of him. My cheeks warmed when he caught the reins, his arms around me and his chest supporting my back. 

"Alright?" Hagen asked, his voice coming from over my head.

"Y-yes." I stammered out, feeling slightly dazed.

After a few more arrangements we started walking, our last journey before arriving at the Rhun Clan after almost three weeks and barely any rest.

Closer to what now would be my newest home.

It was much better seeing things from the horse than from inside the carriage. Rhun's forests were much denser and the trees much smaller in height than ours, if it were not the clear opened pathway we wouldn't be able to even look at the sky. I closed my eyes, feeling the frigid wind hitting my cheeks similarly to the ocean breeze in the cliffs of Numenth, a crisp, heady scent of snow, pine and sandalwood filling my lungs.  
But the scent was truly really strong, and I realised after a second that, despite being in a forest, it came directly from the coat Hagen had borrowed me. 

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. In Numenth, flowery and soft scents were the most commonly used by everyone. I have never smelled such a spicy scent on someone before, specially on nobility, since it is somewhat of a social norm that the sweeter the fragrance the wealthier you were.

I took another whiff of it and felt my face burn. It was really good.

"Does it smell badly?" A voice asked sheepishly from above.

My eyes widened and I turned, finding Hagen looking at me with a crooked smile, one thick eyebrow raised.

I turned deep blue, mortified, "I-i, Um...it-it doesn't. Not at all." I cleaned my throat with some difficulty, "It actually, um...it actually smells really...good."

Both his eyebrows raised.

I squeezed my eyes shut and turned away, feeling hot to the tip of my toes, "Please, ignore everything I said just now."

He laughed, the sound raspy, his chest moving behind me, "I most certainly won't. I know how Nelaarin are particular with scents, so I'm happy you like mine." 

My lips twitched, "Yes, well...we don't have the same sense of smell as your people, so it must have been difficult for you in my clan."

He hummed, "It surely was...sweet."

I huffed, "You're being nice. It even made me sick sometimes."

He shrugged, "Your scent is not bad." 

I whirled around, eyes round, "What do I smell like?"

He grinned, "I'm not going to tell."

"Why not?"

"I want to wait."

"Wait what?"

He looked down, and our eyes met. His eyes seemed the same colour as the sea in a rainy day. 

He looked up again and smiled, "You will see."

I blinked, then nodded slowly, a fuzzy, warm feeling swarming deep in my chest. I felt strangely pleased and...satisfied. It was such an odd sensation. I have never felt this way before. 

I pressed my lips together. There must be something seriously wrong with me.

___________

After an hour into the travel, I felt the exhaustion of the many days on the road and my own turbulent thoughts get to me, the steady movement of the horse and the soft warmth irradiating from the body behind me lulling me into a dreamless sleep.

I woke later with the sound.

The ground seemed to shake with it, and I startled awake with the loud screaming that tore through the air, thousands of voices together roaring as one.

I looked around myself, panting, and almost would've slipped from the horse if Hagen had yet again steadied me with a firm grip.

"Careful." He said, his voice sounding eager, "We arrived."

I rubbed my eyes, blinking at the brightness, the loud noise still ringing in my ears. I opened my eyes slowly, tiredness still clinging to me.

And then I saw it.

The sound came directly from behind the stone walls ahead. It was the tallest structure I had ever seen, bigger then the Numenth Castle and build with pure G'alarat stone, a large black river separating the outside from the city with no bridge in sight.   
I had heard many stories about Valkan Fortresses, but the descriptions and drawings in my books certainly were very different, and i couldn't help but stare, gaping, as I tilted my head back to observe it, the walls so tall it seemed to reach the clouds.

The gigantic snakewood doors opened, and I finally saw that the blaring cries I was hearing were actually cheering that came from the enormous crowd of people waiting by the entrance, so many of them I couldn't even see the pathway.

"We're home." I heard Hagen say, a broad smile on his face.

Home. Rhun Clan's capital, the Great city of Kållekøt.

"How will we get to the other side?" I asked him as we drew closer to the dark waterway and still no forms of passing through appeared.

Hagen chuckled, and I saw something like mirth glow in his eyes, "That is a secret." He said, then amended, "But you will learn soon enough, don't worry."

"Do you think I will run away?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Who knows." He frowned, serious, "Maybe you are just a Numenth spy, here to look for a weakness and tear us apart from within."

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, and I look just like a trained assassin who will murder all these giant Valkan warriors in their sleep on my own."

He raised his eyebrows, "Hoe did you know we are deep sleepers?"

I laughed and shook my head, only to glance down and realise we were passing over the river, a dozen feet over it, but there was absolutely nothing underneath us.

I gripped Hagen's arm, looking down with wide eyed as the horses walked over apparently nothing, as if floating, though I could clearly hear their hoofs hitting something solid as they trotted.

"What-what is this?" I inquired, blinking quickly.

"Sorcery." Hagen answered casually, as if it were something obvious, "What else could it be?"

A nervous chuckle left my lips at the height, "By the gods." 

I turned my head, and saw Arius wearing the same expression I did, back straight and tense as he rode his horse over the invisible bridge, staring ahead without even blinking.

Sorcery had become almost like an old legend in our Clan, an ancient tale to read for your children at night. Though we knew it was real and that other Clans made use of it to it's fullest, it had caused hundreds of conflicts in the past, as well as greatly destructive wars, such as the last Great War of Highlanders against Lowlanders. The ill use of sorcery can provoke more chaos then any battle fought with weapons, and the unbidden use of it by all prompts severe disasters to happen, since not everyone respect limitations. 

After the last Great War, sorcery had been forbidden in my clan, banned in order to restore a more peaceful land. And though sorcery had been in our family for generations before, as we were widely known for possessing many mental abilities, eight hundred years later there was no longer any trace that we were once incredibly powerful psychics. 

Seeing actual sorcery up close now, after spending so many years reading of it, it almost seemed like a dream. It seemed Surreal.

"You will get used to it soon." Hagen said, waving at the gathered crowd in front of us.

I smiled as well, catching curious eyes staring at me, "I hope so."

________________

Another thing I learned about Valkans, was that all of them were incredibly loud and enthusiastic.

As soon as we stepped into the city the already massive horde of people seemed to multiply, and the Main Street flooded with all types of people; men, woman and children, cheering intensely at the return of their Heir. There were flowers of all colours being thrown by the windows, and after a moment a realised some people were even singing and dancing.  
The town in itself was so different, where in Numenth everything was white and with identical built, here there were no patterns of neither colours or decorations, though the architecture was all of pure marble, simple in some and embellished in others.  
Though everything was very colourful, I could see thar red was more prominent, red little flags decorated the houses and most people, if not everyone, were wearing shades of red.

I stored that question for later and waved at the people, who were mostly still gawking and pointing at me as if I were an exotic animal, not much differently then what my own people did. But now i couldn't see any malice in the act, only truthful curiosity, which was a divergence from what I was used to. Furthermore, i was obviously the complete opposite of them, tremendously big bodies and olive skin was the average Valkan, dark eyes as well, as light coloured eyes were reserved mostly to foreigners and therefore nobility, who were subjected to many arranged marriages with other clans.

Our parade was slow, but soon we had reached the Rhun palace, located in the very center of the city, Kållekøt's beating heart.

The place that would be my home.

I glanced at the empty carriage behind us, realising my mistake on entering the city on horseback, "Lord Hagen, Should I not be in there for when we reach the palace? To greet your kin?" I asked.

Hagen frowned, genuinely confused, "Why would you?" He asked back.

I raised an eyebrow, "Is that not simple propriety? To leave the carriage as a newcomer to greet a foreign Clan?"

A faint chuckle left Hagen's lips, he glanced at me, still confused, "With all due respect, i think you Nelaarin think a little too much."

I spluttered, offended, "Excuse, but that is a universal act of respect, and means that you consider such event important, that you hold your hosts in high regard. It is not my fault if your people don't make use of basic decorum."

Hagen barked a startled laugh, "Well, with that tongue of yours what this marriage certainly won't be is boring." 

I felt my cheeks warm embarrassingly, but before I could say anything the horse stopped at the foot of the stairway, ahead of the Palace.  
I looked ahead and saw a dozen people standing on the top of the stairs, behind them the light grey marble of the palace.

I gulped, feeling the anxiety that had faded throughout the journey return like a punch. We were here.

Hagen swung himself off the steed in a practiced move, and then offered his hand. I hesitated, glancing at the stairs nervously.

"It is alright." Hagen supplied, "There is nothing to worry about. You are safe here. I promise you."

I bit my lip, but accepted his hand and dismounted as well, smoothing any crinkles in my clothes and adjusting the circlet resting over my forehead.  
I was wearing one of the best, and warmest, clothes that I had brought, which consisted on various shades of grey toned colours, the same as the Rhun flag, though now i suspected that such intended parallel would surely not be noticed by them. I also wore a pair of long silver earrings and my silver circlet, my hair pinned to my head by a tight braid I had plated that morning. 

After all, if there was one thing I learned in Numenth, was that you should always conceal how you truly feel with a pretty outfit.

Lord Hagen walked ahead and i followed close behind him, Haakon and Yrsa ahead of me as well. Arius was still by the carriage helping move my belongings.

I glanced at the people standing there. Rhun's royal family.

I had read enough of them during the travel to recognise all them by the descriptions. I knew of their personalities, superficially at least, their tastes, and their position within the palace.

King Hrók was the same as the last time I saw him. Intense and imposing, but also warm and welcoming, he had his arms crossed over his chest, a small smile lingering on his lips.

"Welcome to my home, Prince Anwyn."" He greeted with a nod, "We have been expecting you."

I bowed lowly, "King Hrók, I thank your hospitality." I answered, smiling as well, "In gratitude, i have brought humble gifts in the name of the Numenth Clan, as symbol of our alliance and friendship. I hope they are all according to your taste."

The King seemed surprised, thick eyebrows raised, "How can such a young person speak such impeccable words is beyond me." He pondered, "Perhaps my children should learn diplomatic language with you, Prince Anwyn."

I smiled, "I am sure I have many things to learn from them as well, Exalted."

He chuckled, "We will see." He answered, sounding a bit skeptical, "I see you have met your betrothed." He continued, his eyes wavering to my side, "Has Hagen treated you well?"

"Yes." I replied, glancing at Lord Hagen, who seemed slightly tense, "Lord Hagen has been a true gentleman to me during our journey.

King Hrók nodded, then gestured to the side with his hand, to the other people standing, "I have summoned my other children so we could get acquainted. After all, we will be family very soon."

I bowed to him again before turning to the Lords, three of them in total standing from the oldest to the youngest. 

Lady Åse, as the second oldest, was the first to greet. She was also the same, expression impassive and not the slightest bit of a smile showing on her face, "Prince Anwyn. We meet again." She said, hitting her chest and nodding her head.

I gave her a deep bow, "I hope Lady Åse has been well." I greeted back.

There was not much of Lady Åse that I could find on my searches, except that she was an extraordinary warrior and an even better teacher, which earned her the position of combat overseer. She handpicked every single soldier that received a position in the Castle's guard, and was part of Rhun's War Council. She wasn't known to be very charming or friendly, but she was a very respected figure by everyone.

Lady Yrsa, whom I've met, was the third child of the King. She was also known to be a fierce warrior, as all of them did, and a sorcery wielder as well, though it seemed she had not invested in her ability much. Nevertheless, there seemed to be very little information about her skills in combat and a whole lot of things about the Rhun court's outrage on how many noble girls and boys she had deflowered and did not take responsibility for. After three whole pages of scandals and accusations, I decided to stop my search on her.

Lady Skadi was the King's fourth daughter, and also an exceptional sorcerer. It seemed her mother was an Aurae, which rendered her a deep kindred to sorcery and made her a powerful air elemental. She was notorious for her unique and rare abilities, as well as the way she used them: Lady Skadi travelled across all Rhun land helping Valkans in need, teaching them how to protect themselves from wild creatures and any other harmful intruders. She was never in the castle, which explained why she had no formal status in court and why she was not present right now. Even though i had expected that, I was slightly disappointed she was not here. Her diligence in helping her people was truly something admirable.

The fifth child was Lord Aster, who was standing next to Yrsa with an irritated expression on his face. His posture was straight and proper, but he seemed very impatient, glancing behind himself anxiously.

I stopped ahead of him and bowed, "It is a pleasure to met you, Lord Aster." I greeted.

His head turned so fast it made a noise, his eyes wide for a moment before he composed himself and bowed too, looking a bit embarrassed, "The pleasure is mine, Prince Anwyn. I hope we are able to make you feel welcome." He said, smiling softly. He had very dark eyes, with skin slightly lighter then his other siblings, and hair a bright shade of red, much like his sister Yrsa, though it was long instead of chopped, the braid reaching past his waist. I was also pleased to see that, much like myself, his skin was covered with freckles.

Lord Aster was greatly acknowledged as a gifted healer. They said there was very little he could not cure, from spells, to physical wounds, curses, mind injuries, whatever it was, if he did not know how to treat it at that moment, he would eventually find out how. Apparently, at seven years old he surpassed his tutors and began to self study, and at eleven he travelled to the Avariel Clan to learn from the very founders of the Healing arts themselves, warranting him the position of Royal Healer.   
Oddly, there were also many things on how Lord Aster indulged often on the pleasure of men, and how he laid with a different soldier or servant every evening, never seeking a lover who had a noble status. 

I find Rhun's historians interest in their rulers' nightly activities very ominous, to say the least. 

I turned, and found the next Lord beaming at me, sweat on his forehead, cheeks rosy and eyes bright. His skin was dark, perhaps the darkest out of all of them, hair curly and dark as well, making his fair hazel eyes stand out. 

Lord Fenrir was the sixth son, and as the only child of King Hrók's current wife, Queen Zemira, is was said he was the King's favourite. The sixth lord was also gifted with unique abilities, such as unnatural strength and an impressive regeneration factor, rendering various folk tales of how he had been chosen by the god of war as the rightful King and such, specially as Lord Fenrir's weapon of choice is an axe, the very same weapon that represents the god. But, despite his skills, Fenrir is more acknowledged by his camaraderie and generosity. Him and General Haakon were said to be the most friendly of the Rhun court. 

"It is a pleasure to finally met you, Prince Anwyn! Forgive me for my appearance, I was training when I received the news of your arrival." Lord Fenrir cheered, "I have been very anxious to met my brother's future husband, and I must say that Hagen is truly favoured by the gods."

Lady Yrsa snorted loudly. Lord Fenrir twitched.

"Yes, it is an honour to met you and your kin. I hope I reach your expectations about me." I bowed, smiling politely.

Lady Yrsa whistled, "i don't know about that." She chimed, "My expectations are truly high, sweetheart."

"Yrsa." Hagen snapped, "That's enough."

"Oh my." She smirked, "Jealous already, brother? Sharing never bothered you before."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Do not mind her." Lord Fenrir said to me, "They let her fall as a babe. Many times."

"Why does everyone keep fucking saying that?" Yrsa exclaimed, crossing her arms.

"Watch your fucking tongue in front of our father, Yrsa." Åse hissed by her side. Lord Aster pinched the bridge of his nose and King Hrók sighed tiredly.

"Well." General Haakon cleaned his throat after a moment of silence, "That was a great introduction."

I pressed my lips together, stifling a laugh. A hand touched my back, and I looked upwards to see Lord Hagen, seeming both exasperated and fond at once. He gestured to the side with his head, "Come."

I bid the Lords a quick goodbye, bowed to the King and thanked him once again, promising to see them at dinner later as Hagen rushed me over. 

"Where are we going, Lord Hagen?" I inquired as he lead me through the palace doors.

"To met the Queen." He answered expectantly.

"Oh. Of course." I frowned, "Is the Exalted well?"

Hagen smiled softly, "Yes, i hope so." He said, "She is with child."

My eyes widened, "Oh! That is such great news!"

It was well known how, despite wanting more children, the Queen Zemira had been facing a high possibility of infertility after the birth of Lord Fenrir. For Valkans, infertility was a condition treated similarly to a curse, so I could only imagine how she felt when she was able to conceive again.

Hagen nodded slowly, looking away, "It is."

I frowned slightly. Lord Hagen...didn't seem very happy.

That trail of thought was quickly discarded from my mind as we entered the palace, and I could at last see Rhun's famed architecture. The interior was much more lavish then the outside, the ceilings adorned with sophisticated designs, beautiful marble statues and fountains decorated the halls and various flowers and plants dangled from the small inner balconies, cascading in greens and whites along the stairs.

It was beautiful.

Hagen lead me through the rooms as I looked around in awe, servants and guards bowing and staring as we passed. I felt my skin prickle at the attention.

We stopped at a white door barred by eight guards, who did not hesitate to step aside and open the doors for us to go through.

The room was much simpler then the halls. Though it maintained the grey marbles and the exorbitant amount of plants. It felt clean and fresh, with white, thin curtains dangling from the varenda and around the wide bed. The room was very opened, letting in the rare sunshine and the cool breeze. Hagen walked to one of the verandas and I followed closely behind.

There was a woman sitting on one of the chairs, dressed in a loose white dress, pouring a steaming drink in three small porcelain cups, three plates with pastries already placed in front of each chair. She had dark brown curly hair and equally dark skin, several ink markings branded on both her arms and neck.

"This winter has been harsh." She said, still serving the hot drink, "So i took the liberty of serving some warm tea for our dear guest."

She turned, and looked directly at me, "I believe you like Pistachio Lime Yerba Mate tea, Prince Anwyn? I have some honey buns as well."

My mouth fell open, "How-how do you-" I glanced at Hagen, who was smiling, "How do you know?"

She smiled and raised from the seat slowly, revealing her huge rounded belly, "What kind of host would not know their visitors taste?" She answered, then walked towards us.

Hagen stepped foward, gave her a careful hug and a kiss on her cheek, "I've missed you, mother." He mumbled to her.

Queen Zemira laughed, patting his back, "And i you, child. Very much so."

They separated, and I had no time to pounder on how Lord Hagen had called the woman his mother before she turned her attention back towards me.

She looked almost exactly the same as Lord Fenrir, from her eyes, to her hair and her skin colour, and I stared blankly for a brief moment before realisation came and I quickly bowed, mortified with my rudeness, "Queen Zemira, it is a great pleasure to m-"

A sudden hug made me stop, shocked, as her strong arms squeezed me tightly and literally lifted me from the floor.

The Queen's excited laugh resonated in the varenda, my body still stilled in surprise when she at last settled me down again and took a step back, her hands on my shoulders keeping me from distancing too much.

"Let me look at you." She said, her hazel eyes wavering over me quickly. The Queen nodded to herself after a moment, humming, "I see. Hagen is truly a lucky man. Your beauty, intelligence and kindness will only grow as you age. I sense only good omens about you, child."

I blinked at her, still stunned. At the corner of my eye, I saw Hagen chuckling. 

"A bright silver light surrounds you, similar to the Eladrin Elves of the North." She mended, intrigued, "Tell me, do you have any elf relatives?"

"I-um, I...am not sure, Exalted." I stammered, confused.

"Well, you most probably do." The Queen affirmed, "An aura similar to a shining star is the Eladrin's marking. It symbolises a powerful, clean soul."

My eyebrows drew together, "Aura?" I mumbled thoughtful, the words familiar to me. It must have read something about it at some point.

Powerful and clean soul? Bright Aura? 

Recognition dawned on me, "You're a Soul reader." I said. 

Her face lit up, "That I am." She agreed, "You were way quicker minded then most people usually are, Prince Anwyn."

"That is amazing." I breathed, awed, "I thought soul readers were extinct after the last war."

"Most of us are." The Queen confirmed with a nod, "But my ancestors were saved by the Late Rhun King, may the gods have him, and were protected during the war. So my linage has been preserved to this day. Though, unfortunately, it seems Fenrir did not inherit my abilities."

I let out a breathless laugh, "This is all...so unbelievable. All the stories I read as child seem to be true here."

The Queen squeezed my shoulder sympathetically, "I understand. For someone who have grown with no contact to sorcery, this may be overwhelming, but I am sure you will accustom to it all after a while. This will be your new home, after all."

"Yes, of course. I am sure I will." I answered, grimacing internally at how weird I sounded. 

Queen Zemira chuckled, "There is no need to hide your uneasiness, child. You are in an unknown place surrounded by unknown people. It is smart of you to be mistrustful." She assured me, her eyes earnest, "But I hope that, with time, you may trust us and start thinking of here as your home, and us as your family. I truly hope you will be happy here, Anwyn."

She gave me a soft, confident smile, and it was so very much like my mother's it made my stomach churn with old memories.

My mother had also been given to a man she did not know, had been taken from her land and stranded in a unfamiliar place surrounded by unfamiliar people. And it killed her.

'You are not your mother.' Something whispered to me, 'She was weak. She let it destroy her. Will you?'

I breathed in deeply. I am not my mother.

This is a new beginning for me. I can do this. I can.

I am not her.

"Yes." I answered, "I hope for me to be happy as well."


End file.
